


What can be broken without being touched

by gmalkin



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angry Stiles, Character Death, Dark Stiles Stilinski, Hurt Stiles, Oblivious Scott McCall, Post-Nogitsune, Scott is an awful friend, season 5 episode 9 onwards, the pack kinda sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 21:12:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 24,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15421695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmalkin/pseuds/gmalkin
Summary: ‘Why don’t you trust me Scott?’ We-no, I whisper, I look down at my hands and pray for him to understand. But no, of course I’m left, feeling numb; voidStiles turns to his familiar passenger after being shunned from the pack. But is it himself or has the nogitsune returned. But truly, does stiles even care?





	1. Ajar or broken.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is my first fanfic, yikes, I’m betting I’ll look back at this in a few years and cringe for days, but oh well let’s just see where this takes us.

I tap the wheel of the jeep incessantly as I travel to the animal clinic, after everything that’s happened I can’t help being on edge. As I look out the window I capture a phantom glance of blood on the bonnet. Shaking my head I try to remove it from my mind. No. Donovan is dead and gone, what I didn’t expect was the thrill running through me at the thought, God, I should go back to my shrink. 

As I drive down the motorway, I couldn’t help but think back through these past months, ever since that fucking Theo character waltzed into the pack, everything has been falling apart, including myself, honestly. I’m still in disbelief at the obliviousness of Scott, how couldn’t he see the glint of amusement at their pain in his eyes? Well, saying that he never spotted the Nogitsune, and we were rather fucking obvious. 

Oh great now I’m using plurals again, way to go Stiles, really selling the whole innocent vibe. I shake my head to calm my thoughts as I realise I’m approaching the clinic, it is only then that I notice the rain pounding down much like my heart in that moment. As I step out of my dying car, I see Scott’s soaking figure, I would’ve made a joke about wet dogs until I saw his distraught face. 

No. He couldn’t know, could he? The only person who knows is The- oh. Of course; I brace myself and school my emotions as I approach my possibly-former-best-friend.

‘Hey scotty, what are you doing standing there let’s go inside, everyone else is there right?’ I ask, hoping against hope he’ll drop it.  
‘Stiles...’ Scott whispers hoarsely, as if he’s been crying or screaming. I turn to face him, worry overflowing my face.  
‘..is this yours?’ He croaks our as he pulls my wrench out from behind him, the same one I used to whack Donovan with. Shit.  
‘Scott? Why do you have that?’  
‘Please- just tell me it isn’t yours Stiles and we can let this all go.’ Scott pleads, in this moment I truly wish I had control over my heart rate. God that would make life easier.  
‘..yeah it’s mine Scott, but it’s not what it seems like, I promise, it was self defence he was gonna kill me please understand that’ I ramble, Jesus I’m gonna have a panic attack if I’m not careful.

While trying to calm my breathing, I look up at Scott, but to my surprise I saw no pity or amusement or anything positive, and in that moment I feel as if I’m a child being told off by my dad, his eyes oozed disappointment.  
Something snapped, an unbridled rage swirled within me, a feeling I haven’t felt in a while. How dare he look at me as if I’ve murdered a man for joy? I suddenly felt like I could see his arrogance surrounding him, just because he’s a true bloody alpha.  
‘You don’t believe me do you, Scott’  
‘I- I’m sorry, but the way it happened Stiles, there comes a point where it’s not self defence anymore!’

What the fuck is he talking about? He was gonna kill me, my dad, I think that would be classed as fucking self defence!  
I reign in my anger and try to placate him.  
‘I had no choice,’  
‘There’s always a choice Stiles, you could’ve found a way!’ Scott cried, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.  
I had no control over my mouth as I shouted at the top of my lungs;  
‘Oh of course! You're the true alpha! Guess what all of us can't be true alphas, Some of us have to make mistakes! Some of us have to get our hands a little bloody sometimes! Some of us are human!’ I pant heavily, trying to regain my composure. 

The rain is getting into my eyes and soaking me to the bone, but all I feel is boiling rage, it’s like talking to a fucking brick wall, Scott steps back, wrench held defensively in his hand, huh, ironic,  
‘I’m sorry Stiles, you just can’t kill people!’  
Scott spluttered.  
‘Did you even listen to a word I just said! Huh? I didn’t have a fucking choice’ I shout incredulously, how far did Theo burrow into his thick skull?

I squint to see Scott, a flame of hope, asking for at least a glimpse of forgiveness, of course, there was nothing, the flame went out, suffocated by a presence I hadn’t acknowledged in years, the remnants of my dark passenger, the anger, the power, but for once, I didn’t fight tooth and nail, I allowed it to flow and lap at my mind like a tide, as my panic calmed, Scott started to enter the clinic.  
‘Why don’t you trust me Scott?’ We-no, I whisper, I look down at my hands and pray for him to understand, just one word , I beg. But no, of course I’m left, feeling numb; void.

And I can finally breathe.


	2. To be or not to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is presented with a few unforeseen challenges.  
> (I suck at summaries)

I leap out of bed, sweat sticking the shirt to my chest, Frantically, I turn my head in every direction, when I see nothing I start to pant heavily and collapse onto my bed. Until a heard a whispering in my ear;

‘You let me out Stiles, you can’t put me back so let me in, let me in, let me in,’  
Repeating again and again until the words are a tangled mess of syllables, i knew who it was, the voice unmistakable.  
It’s me.  
It’s the part of me which revelled in the Nogitsune’s torment of my ‘pack’, and of the people in the hospital, the sheriffs station, the part of me that became indistinguishable to the nogitsune. The part that I carry everyday, stuffed in a box of my own making, until now. The whispering grew louder and louder until it was a high pitched screech of anguish, I try to shield my ears but it did nothing. Can’t hear, can’t see, whereamiwhoamIwhoarewe

I leap out of bed once more, a dream? Obviously Stiles, how observant of you. I rub my eyes and sigh, I check the alarm clock on my night stand, 6:27 am, ugh only three minutes until it’s screaming at me anyway, I carry out my usual morning routine, brushing my teeth, having breakfast, taking my morning adderall, and counting my fingers, just in case, you know all the usual. 

I try to build the courage to get out the door, after what happened with Scott I wasn’t sure it was the best idea, might end up clocking a werewolf in the face, but hey, at least everyone else will be there, could be worse, right?  
_‘It would be better if we could get rid of Scott, don’t you think? you can finally be seen, Stiles’_. I whip my head around to see nothing, oh great, now it’s speaking to me while I’m awake? I blink multiple times to clear my vision, no I didn’t want to hurt Scott, it was one fight, he’s like my brother.  
_’maybe before, but has he even looked at you like an equal since his doggy booster’_  
I frown and put my shoes on, God I sound like Gollum.

I sigh and pick up my bag, checking my watch and working out how long I have to walk, not quite long enough but I should be picking up jogging anyway. 

I arrive at the school with three minutes to spare, i spot Malia as she walks inside, after some vigorous waving she sees me, but strangely, she turned away and walked as quick as possible in the opposite direction, weird. I shrug and walk into class, ready to face my worst fear; Shakespeare. 

After a few hours of brain rotting, I head down to our usual bench to see the gang, I see Scott, front and centre.  
_‘as usual’_ ,  
the familiar rage bubbles up but this isn’t the time, after a few deep breathes I head down to the table.

‘Hey guys, did you know that a ton of historians thought that Shakespeare had a secret dude lover?’ Nice one Stiles, this line was guaranteed to break the ice, surprisingly, or not, nobody made a sound.

‘What’s up? You look like someone shat in your morning coffee’  
Lydia looks around for reassurance before turning to me, ‘okay this is kinda weird guys.’  
‘Stiles, Scott... told us what happened with Donovan’  
Instantly my sarcastic mask fell away, this quickly? Thanks Scotty. ‘And?’ I ask, ‘it was self defence.’ I state.  
Lydia looks even more uncomfortable before saying her next sentence, ‘I’m sorry Stiles but after talking we thought it would be best if you, had some time to yourself, ya know? Get yourself together.’

Seriously? I start to laugh as I look round the table, this has to be a joke, right? They wouldn’t ALL abandon me for one mistake, would they? My laughter dissipates, ‘wait... this isn’t some sort of joke? You’re kicking me out?’ To my dismay all their faces are serious, and cold. Shockingly, Liam seems to be the only one to even slightly disagree. 

_’what did you expect Stiles, you’re human, they don’t care about you because they think you aren’t strong, we need to show them your power, we must show that we don’t need a dark spirit to destroy them Stiles, let me in, the door is open, but this time you’re the one who must walk through_

I block out the voice, no, they have to come to their senses eventually, I put on a deliberately fake smile and stand, ‘okay, that’s fine, but don’t come crawling to me because you got in trouble again’ I spit, surprising myself and, subsequently, the pack too with the spite in my voice. I walk through the cafeteria as Theo’s smug grin catches my eye, of course he’s even manipulating this situation.  
_we could get rid of him first, Stiles_  
I look down, imagining beating his skull in, seeing that smile fall from his lips as I destroy him without breaking a sweat. 

I’m knocked out of my reverie by the bell, well, Scott, you wanted to see a murderer, maybe, one day, that’s what I’ll show you. I thought. After all, Theo isn’t exactly an innocent man, not that it matters to Angel Scott but it does to me.

_for now_ they whispered.

I could feel the presence in my mind grin like a feline, or, more appropriately, a Fox.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit rushed so hopefully it worked out alright, I don’t know where I’m going with this ngl. Thanks for reading!


	3. Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sheriff Stilinski knows, and Stiles has a bit of a crisis on his hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the moment I’m kind of spamming out this story, it probably won’t be this quick in the future but I have nothing else to do soo

Opening the door to the house, I was not expecting to see dad panicking like a mad man, wow, kinda looks like me.  
‘Hey dad, you alright? You look kinda stressed,’ understatement of the year.

I was just heading towards the kitchen when I saw his face. I froze, it was the same look on Scott’s face when I first saw him in the rain. No no I’m not ready for this conversation again.  
He didn’t even speak, he just starting coming towards me, fucking hell he’s gonna hit me isn’t he? 

But no, the next thing I know I’m engulfed in the biggest hug I’ve gotten since mum’s funeral.  
‘...dad?’ I asked, voice muffled by his jacket. ‘Are you alright?’  
He looked at me with sadness, but no disappointment, well that’s a change, I mused.  
‘Why did you feel like you couldn’t tell me, son?’  
I scoffed, what kind of question was that? ‘Dad you’re the sheriff, you would’ve had to take me in, I couldn’t do that to you!’

_you believe I’m immoral yet you seem to lie more than me_

Shut up! I thought.  
‘Stiles, you don’t need to worry that I’d do anything to hurt you, I would never turn you in, and it was self defence, how would you know that the scaffolding would kill him?’

I sat there in shock, Theo told him the truth? But...why? That didn’t make sense. 

_he’s trying to make us trust him, don’t fall for his childish tricks, we’re better than that_

I nodded slightly, makes sense.  
‘Thanks dad,’ I mumbled, if I hadn’t let myself fall into the safety of the void, I would probably be crying right now.

_then do it, people can’t see that we’re free again, free of suffocating emotion. Not yet anyway_  
I realised they were right.

It’s unnervingly easy to pretend to cry, always has been for me, looking back on it, it was the only way my mother would recognise I was sitting right next to her, she might’ve hit me but she saw me, that was worth it, it was the same with dad, when he would drown himself in whiskey my tears would bring out the dad in him, so I just did it again.

So i started to cry as hard as I could, I must admit it’s comforting to be held by dad, the one person to truly know what happened, and to accept me and what I’ve done, well, except for void me I guess, but that doesn’t count

_you say I’m not important, but you cling to me like a child, afraid of facing emotion but afraid of facing the void, you need to choose, Stiles_  
That’s a problem for another day, I thought. 

After a few more sniffles and hiccups, I looked up at dad, put on my best childlike smile and asked ‘can we go and get milkshakes?’  
Dad looks at me for a second then guffaws with laughter, I breathe a sigh of relief, glad I said the right thing, I really do need to choose, choose wether to act or to have genuine feeling, because in between is too difficult.

‘Yeah, alright son, lets go get some food, but don’t hound my ass about being on a diet afterwards’  
I chuckle and stand with him, who needs a bloody pack when you have a good dad and a slightly evil alter ego! 

While we eat my mind wanders to how I’m going to deal with Theo, I could always bargain with him, he’s a survivor after all, of it kept him alive he’d do anything. 

_‘don’t be so boring Stiles, I know you want to make him pay, I can feel the bloodlust in your soul, just let it out like you let me out’_

I shudder, in excitement or fear, I don’t know, I decide to let it be for now, until he goes too far or I see the perfect opportunity.

I look back over to dad, he looks too concerned considering that we’re just eating dinner.  
‘What’s wrong?’ I finally asked, around a Mouthful of ice cream.  
‘Oh it’s nothing kid’  
‘It’s not nothing’ I persisted, he sighed, giving up easily, ‘I’m just worried about you and your friends, you were supposed to be with them this evening weren’t you?’

I sigh heavily, can’t they disappear for just a few bloody minutes! I decide to be blunt, ‘Scott thinks I’m a murderer and after a vote within the pack they decided to throw me out.’ I look at his shocked expression with indifference, I don’t understand his surprise, it’s perfect, righteous, Scott! 

As Dad starts speaking about hockey for the fiftieth time this week, I spot a glint of something in the window, my reflection, it’s... smiling at me, the sunken eyes and pale skin, so that’s you then is it? I think to myself.

_‘it’s us, Stiles, if you walk through the open door, you can contain the bliss of silence without the side effects of possession, join me and fully free yourself Stiles.’_

I close my eyes and rub my temples, it’s so tempting to just walk through, I can practically see the door in my mind and it’s waiting for me, tantalisingly close, I could just reach out and grab it.

Just as I was about to pull the handle, dad shakes me shoulder, ‘sorry, zoned out, what’s wrong?’ He looks at me worriedly but says ‘incident nearby I was called on duty, you can get home can’t you?’  
‘Yeah, Yeah I can’ I sigh.  
‘Okay well, I’ll see you later son, be careful’ he shouts on his way out, as soon as I see his car leave the lot, I close my eyes once more, my hand is on the handle, and I pull.

I look in the reflection of the window, I see the grin once more, but it’s on my own face.  
_‘finally,’_ we say


	4. Much like a game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The door is open, but how will Stiles play his cards?

That night, less people left that building than went in.  
Instead of me walking out with with a passenger; We walked out, as one being, you’d think it would be cramped but no, I’ve never felt so open and free.

As I walked to my jeep, I cracked my neck and shoulders, it’s so strange, I never noticed the knots of tension in my body, God did I ever stop worrying? Well, the easy answer to that is no, but could you blame me?

But now, I don’t feel the thousands of emotions and thoughts running through me, all battling to be the one I address.  
I feel tranquil, I sigh, allowing the feeling to truly set in, some might call this feeling an emptiness, probably something bad, like how psychopaths kill to just feel _something_  
I guess that’s that difference, I would fight, and kill to stay within this bliss of indifference.

_and we will kill soon, Stiles, we can destroy Theo like the ant he is_  
Yes. 

I get into the trusty car and start to head home, I think back to the Nogitsune, and how different this feels, last time I felt trapped within our mind, it wasn’t mine it was only the spirit, but now, it’s all me.  
_with some guidance, don’t forget._ Of course.

As I’m walking into my home, I felt eyes on my back, I smiled, maybe it’s Theo, I hoped.  
I decided to pretend to be oblivious, normal me wouldn’t have a clear enough mind to notice.

I wonder around the first floor deliberately slow, waiting for some sort of attack, or threat, but to my surprise, somebody knocked the door.  
I wipe off my scowl and put on a blank face, unsure of what I would see.

I open the door to see Liam, looking worried on my doorstep, well that’s a shock. I recall the conversation not a day earlier and remember how reluctant Liam was, still not sure on that but let’s see how this turns out.  
‘Liam? What’s up?’ I question, genuinely curious.  
‘I- I don’t agree with Scott.’ He gritted out, like it practically hurt to say, which I presume it did, going against your alpha.  
I look at him with feigned sadness and hope. ‘Really? But- but everyone thinks I’m a monster, and I’ve known them through everything, why wouldn’t you agree?’ I ask, who knew I could get into this role so easily?  
_You’ve always been acting, even with your emotions you still had to put up a facade, this is the same_  
True.  
Liam looks at me with a sincerity I didn’t know he had, ‘I would’ve done the same, I would have killed Donovan to save myself and my family. I understand, so I guess I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone in this, yeah?’

Wow, it seems I underestimated this kid, he’d be a good way to weasel back into the pack. ‘Thanks Liam, that means a lot to me man’ I whisper, my voice cracked throughout, I push out a few crocodile tears and he’s putty in my hands, he may have a brain but it’s also pathetic, judgement clouded by sympathy.

_unlike us_

He hugs me. Taking me by surprise, I’ve barely even spoken to the boy, but maybe that’s why. I decide to play this out.  
_maybe we can cause some chaos once more in the pack, what they deserve._  
I have to push back a smile, that did sound delightful. 

‘Hey Liam?’ I ask abruptly, ‘I just got this new game, I was gonna test it out with Scott but, well, you know.’  
Liam perked up, ‘sure man, I hope you’re good or I’ll beat your ass!’ He laughs out,  
I laugh with him.

We played together, deep into the early morning, it was peaceful, comfortable, it reminded me of Scott and I, before he was bitten, before he stopped giving me a second look, only thinking about his own needs. I clench the controller tight in my hands as I calm myself, although I had already become the void, we still felt anger.

I place myself back into the moment, as I play I smile to myself, strategy games were always interesting, you can truly see a man’s personality through a game, Liam, for example is spontaneous and only gets by on being a good shot, no tactical advances at all, perfect. 

For Liam Dunbar will be a perfect pawn in my game, when he agreed to play with me, he had no idea what he was in for, he can be the key to the pack, regaining their trust and destroying them once more, my mind goes back, once again to the Nogitsune; _We’re going to kill them Stiles, one.by.one_

Oh how right he was, we laugh behind a mask of concentration.  
What Stiles didn’t quite see, was the power growing within them, it could be his saviour or his downfall, there are a few more doors to open before either comes to pass.


	5. Pieces falling into place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More spam!

I haven’t slept in a week, but I couldn’t feel more awake, anticipation courses through me, indistinguishable to my blood, today is the day I can finally start satiate my hunger, my _lust_ , for death and pain.  
Today is the day I will finally have my way with Theo; I’d been tailing him for the weeks now, learning his routine inside out, hell at this point I believe I know him better than myself. 

This is not my only triumph, no, over this time I’ve been rooting myself in Liam’s mind, and finally it’s paying off, I can feel it in the air, the worry and sympathy for me, created by Liam’s pleading and my rather erratic appearance, i needed to commit to this role, after all, even though it was a pain to keep awake so long, I had to look broken in all the right ways.

As the last bell rings, I pack quickly, I had to keep up with Theo, he went to the same abandoned sewer lines every day, the perfect place for me to start, I lick my lips in anticipation, I can finally crush the thing that has been a pain in my ass since I first saw him, I can’t help but grin as I exit the room.

My cheery mood, however, quickly evaporated at the sight of the pack once again, shit. They couldn’t of found or what I was about to do already, could they? No, Scott’s brain wouldn’t be able to handle that much information, I poorly rationalised.  
‘Stiles.’ Scott says with resolution, and, to my utter disbelief. he starts to cry ‘I’m so sorry, so so sorry, Liam told us the truth of what happened, and how broken you were about it,’ he looked at me with pleading eyes, I couldn’t help but see how pathetic he looked in this moment, begging for my forgiveness? Ha, who does he think he is?  
‘And we understand you’ve made mistakes and we’re ready to forgive you, we know you would never do that again, you’d find a new way next time, right?’

I stand there, speechless, I can’t help but think I misheard him, was he... trying to make me the bad guy? they shouldn’t have to forgive me, I should have to forgive them! The thundering rage and blackness engulfed my mind once again, I’ve never wanted to kill so strongly, but I had to stop, I reign myself in   
_we must save them for later, their pain will be the best thing we will taste in our lifetime, let them believe you’ve... changed. And then. Then we can destroy them._

In this moment I was glad for their guidance, the only thing stopping me now is the feeling I will get later, I shiver at the thought.  
‘Yeah, I would never do that again Scotty, I’m sorry’ the words felt like burning acid on my tongue, huh maybe I’ll tear their tongues out later, it’ll make them think more. 

As I look around to everyone else, I see their shoulders relax at my reply, as if those words alone fixed all wounds, maybe for them, but for me? No.  
‘Look, guys, thank you so much for everything, but I think I need to go home, get some rest I haven’t slept in days’   
Not all lies, but I need Theo first.   
They all agree, most of them grateful to not have to endure the inevitable awkward silences. 

I walk out of the school, well at least one thing has started falling into place, now it’s time to fix what started this, show him who he provoked my grin returns as I climb into the jeep and start the engine, the lack of sleeping time meant that I had more time to finally fix this piece of junk, she’s practically as good as new. 

It’s odd, usually, when I’m even just going to the store, I start to panic in the car, worrying about what to say at the cashier, what to buy, hoping they have a self service checkout. 

But this time, even though I’m about to take on a bloody werewolf with nothing but a cricket bat and an imagination, I’m calm, my heartbeat is as steady as my hands, and my excitement is barely contained, I take one more deep breathe before getting out of the jeep, I made sure to leave enough evidence behind for dad to find me, just in case this didn’t go to plan, maybe that’s why I’m calm, this won’t be swept under the rug.   
_or because you stepped into the void_   
I sighed at the voice, but ignored it, I’ve been getting quite good at that.

I look over once more, seeing Theo’s car and the entrance to the tunnels, I walk through the doors and allow myself to remove the masks, i saunter down the tunnels, feet as quiet as feathers. I don’t know how, but i seem to be following Theo’s scent, not like the werewolves though, I could smell his grief, the traces from his childhood, and many other levels I couldn’t quite place.

I slow my pace as I hear his voice, wait, who’s he talking to? He sounds frantic, like he’s trying to explain himself, how ironic.  
As I get closer though, I start to worry, I hear machinery and what sounds like whimpers of pain, what’s going on? 

I look over one more pipe to finally see Theo, he’s talking to a large figure angrily, wait, I’ve seen those before, shit what were they?   
The name hit me as I turned around to leave, I needed more time, but as I turned, I saw a huge being looming over me with a cane in their hand, raised at me.  
‘Dread doctors’ I whisper.  
Then blackness.  
Shit.


	6. Enlightened

I crack open my eyes, but I do not see the dread doctors, or anything, really.   
All I see is shadows, I hear a sound in the distance and whip my head around, but still I can’t see a thing. 

I blink a few more times, and my eyes start to adjust, I’m in.... my bedroom? Well that doesn’t make sense, I was knocked out by the dread doctors! How can I be here?

_we’re not awake yet, Stiles_

Wha-? Oh, that makes sense, but how are we talking while I’m unconscious?

_we need to do something so that we can escape, because honestly, we can’t free ourselves in this frail state. But you might not like it._

I was about to protest until I assessed the situation, I was knocked out, probably in chains and being held by the fucking dread doctors that we can’t seem to kill, AND Theo is there, which I wasn’t even sure I could beat. I take a deep breathe and decide to at least ask what it was.

Okay, tell me what it is, then I’ll answer.

_You will need to, technically speaking, completely embrace me, at this moment you’re just void, but you must decide to fully accept the residual power the Nogitsune left behind for us._

‘..alright, and what’s the downside? Because I’m not seeing it,’ I ask, puzzled.

_it will feel as if he’s back, his voice will be within your mind, much like I am but quieter, he would not truly be there, but with the power, his essence comes with it._

I close my eyes and sigh, ‘so, basically I’m gonna be me with a shit ton of power and a voice in my head telling me to be evil? Sure! What could go wrong!’ I say sarcastic 

_I said you weren’t gonna like it, but it’s our only option, or we will definitely die_

I sit on my imaginary(?) bed and think about any other option, but I was coming up blank. I guess it could be too bad, I mean he said that the voice would be relatively quiet, and let’s be honest here I was going down that route anyway.   
And hopefully I’ll have enough sense to not fall for it, right? 

I take a deep breathe and let it out slowly,  
‘Alright, how do we do this then?’   
As I say the words, I feel as if I’ve sold my soul to the devil, but I guess in a way I have. Oh well. 

_just open your mind, you’re in your room for a reason, Stiles_

I’m confused for a moment until I turn to face the wall of the room, I notice, then, that my door isn’t quite the same as usual, as if it’s under some sort of spotlight, and it’s locked. 

I look down at my hand to see there’s a key in it, in that moment it felt as if it weighed two tons, this decision could change everything or help me in many ways, let’s just hope it goes with the latter. 

I clench my fist as I walk towards the door, i felt a part of my mind screaming that this was an awful idea, surprisingly it sounded a lot like Scott, that just pushed me further, it was probably just trying to stop me so I wouldn’t be able to stand against that so called pack.

By now I’m already in front of the door, the pressure seems even more intense here, as I lift the key to the lock my hands start to shake, what if this was just a trick, and I was letting the Nogitsune back in? I could do that, but this felt so much different, like I’ve never been in so much control, which is the opposite of how I felt with him in me head.

_This will help us, just open the door and we will be as powerful as we were, and you will have control._

It all felt too good to be true, but what other choice did I possibly have? This was my only option and in this moment, I found that I didn’t care too much if the Nogitsune did return, I just wanted the pressure to stop.

I slotted the key into the door, all I needed to do was turn it, and I’d be free, floating in the silence of my mind, with power that would help me do what I needed to do. 

But I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried the key wouldn’t turn, ‘what’s wrong? Do I have the wrong key? Do I need some damn WD40? It’s stuck!’ I say frantically, the pressure was still there, it was giving me a migraine.

 _it’s you, Stiles, you need to be fully accepting for this to work, or your mind will shatter into pieces, all parts of you l, any reservations you have, get rid of them._

I nearly laughed, easy for him to say it’s not all his head. How am I supposed to do that? I decide to close my eyes, that’s what most people do to concentrate right? I look through my mind finding all the little doubts and gathering them. Annoyingly, they made a pretty good argument, how the fuck am I supposed to get rid of them? It’s mostly plain logic!

I put my hand back on the key, eyes still closed. I let the memories of the power from when I was possessed, and I thought about how clearheaded and happy I was within the void, before then I couldn’t remember the last time I’d smiled truly. How could I give that up? 

The memories managed to crush the doubts within my mind, I felt the ashes fall to the depths of my mind, looks like power really does remove logic.

I open my eyes, and test the key, it turned slightly, I practically leap with joy, without a second thought I turn it all the way, then grab the handle.

After a moment of hesitation, I take a deep breathe and push open the door.  
When I look through it’s breathtaking, it’s not the stereotypical beauty, but to me it was perfection, everything was so clear, I could see my own thoughts as if they were words on a page, I could practically feel the energy crackling from behind the threshold.  
I walked right in.

A rush of indescribable energy and amazement rushed through me, the pressure finally alleviated in my skull and I truly felt as if I was in the clouds, weightless. I felt the familiar power coursing through my veins, the knowledge of the Nogitsune, growing in my mind, I felt as if I’d seen the centuries of chaos and power he had.

It was, as I said, beautiful.   
I then opened my eyes, I saw the laboratory of the dread doctors, their back was turned and Theo was engaged with a whispered argument with one of them. I grinned like a Cheshire Cat. I was excited to play along in their game, they will think they’ve broken me when in fact they’re being the ones pulled apart, that is, until I decide to physically destroy every spec of their being.

But seeing the proud look of power in their eyes when I know they only have it because I let them, it made me feel oh so powerful.

As if I was a God. The curator of this game. And this time I wasn’t just a piece, a pawn to the player. I was the man sitting in front of the board, and I had already put the opponent in check.

Your move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a while to write, I felt as if I couldn’t quite get it right, so sorry if it got a bit disjointed, thanks for reading this far anyway, and enjoy!


	7. Out of their depth

I see the doctors starting to turn and quickly close my eyes, going limp.  
I stay there for a few moment until I feel a sharp pain in my cheek, the fuckers just slapped me! 

I pretend to wake up groggily, once I look around for a moment I pull on the chains, looking at them frantically, ‘oh god, please, guys just let me go I’m sorry I won’t tell anyone! Theo! You can’t let them keep me here, even you’re not that bad.’ I shout, hoping to at least get on their nerves, but the doctors don’t seem to be able to speak anyway, so I turn to Theo, waiting for a response. 

‘Stiles, Stiles, Stiles, you really do have a talent for getting into situations you can’t handle.’ Theo announces, that cruel look in his eyes once more, he really does love the sound of his own voice.  
I look up at him with a hopeless expression, ‘really? You’re gonna let them kill me? Or, or dissect me and sell my kidneys or some shit, or, oh I dunno use bits of me to make more chimeras or whatever they do! You’re sicker than I thought’ I spit out, he truly thinks he has any sort of power? 

‘Oh come now Stiles, I’m not gonna let them kill you, you have way too much potential, because you see, I came here for a pack, I came for the kitsune, the immoral werecoyote, the banshee that is followed by death, hell, I’d take the beta with anger issues!, and I came here for you, Stiles.’

‘Me? What could you want from me?’ I ask, genuinely confused, he thinks I’m human, doesn’t he?  
‘I want the man changed by the dark kitsune, I want void Stiles!’ Theo shouts.

I sit there, stunned, I don’t notice until I catch Theo’s eye, but I was laughing, giggling like a madman or a child, I didn’t know, I calm down and say, hysterical, ‘no no the Nogitsune is gone, sorry Theo you’ve just got plain old stiles’ 

‘Oh but that isn’t true, is it? You said yourself you enjoyed killing Donovan, and I see it in your eyes sometimes, you’re still just on the edge, and once you jump in, it doesn’t matter if you’re human, you’ll certainly fit in.’ 

That struck a chord, he’s trying to play on my old wish to be accepted by the pack, it probably would have worked if I cared. But this just enraged me more, he’s so conceited, he believes he can control ME? I could kill him without raising a hand, and he believes he can hold the Fox? I could laugh again if it wasn’t so ridiculous it was almost insulting. 

Instead, i pretend to be afraid, ‘No, you can never bring _it_ back, please it would destroy us all,’ I practically sob, wow I’m good at this!  
‘Time will tell Stiles, because the doctors are gonna have their fun, and if you still refuse you WILL die.’ Theo was smiling, of course. He probably wanted to watch, couldn’t blame him though, pain is truly mesmerising.  
Just like his will be.

I felt the strength in my arms and hands, ready to snap the chains when they get too close, I want to see them preparing, anticipation visible in their actions, but I certainly don’t want any unnecessary pain on myself, I’m not quite masochistic yet.

I look over to the dread doctors bringing over a medical table, immaculate tools in their consecutive places, of course these people are organised. It was frustrating, it was as if they didn’t care about the torture, they just cared about the end product, I wanted to shout ‘stop! You’re doing it all wrong’ but that would definitely cause some suspicion.

They’re about to bring their scalpels to my face, I get ready to break my chains and break them too, until I hear a gun, a bullet going into the chamber.  
‘Get the fuck away from my son.’

I look over to see my dad, why couldn’t it be any other cop? I would’ve just killed them too, I close my eyes for a second and compose myself, once I open my eyes I see Theo is already gone, sneaky shit probably dashed before the police walked in. ‘Dad! Oh thank god I thought I was gonna die, i was gonna be killed by doctors, kinda funny if you think about it huh?’ I wheeze out a laugh, typical me, making a joke at a time like this. 

Dad looks me over, making sure I’m okay, he then turns to the doctors, ‘Hands in the air and kneel on the ground! No funny business or I WILL shoot’ he shouts, but they do not move, that is, unless you count them fucking disappearing, what even are those things? 

Once they’re gone dad runs over to me, ‘You okay, son? They didn’t hurt you did they? I swear if they did I’m gon-‘  
‘Dad! Dad I’m fine, look at me I’m all good, you got here just in time’ I comfort him, I’m about to say some more until I catch a smell, well, well it’s the dog and crew.

I look over dad’s shoulder to see Scott, ‘Scott? Oh god it’s you, did you help find me? Thank you man!’ I call over, while they’re just standing there, Liam pushes past them to help get the chains off, the werewolf strength helps. ‘Are you okay buddy? You had me worried there’ Liam whispers, hm, maybe I’ll spare him, I thought. ‘Yeah yeah I’m okay, just a bruise from when I was whacked over the head’ 

Liam nods and breaks the last of the chains, by then the medics were brought in and I was reluctantly dragged out on a stretcher, I didn’t need this for fucks sake I’m fine. I just need to find Theo and the dread doctors, so I can slowly kill all four of them. 

After I’m checked out and cleared to leave, dad insists that he drives me home, but Scott calls me over.  
‘Hey, I know you’re probably tired but how the hell did you end up here?’ Typical, didn’t even ask if I was alright, I sigh and say ‘I have no clue man, one minute I’m in my Jeep, driving home from school, next minute I’m in chains with dread doctors surrounding me trying to cut my face off’ 

He looks satisfied with my answer, probably because I could control my heart rate and he was listening to every beat. Of course he still didn’t trust me, but I’m sure I can change that, my revenge will be perfect. 

Once they leave, I see Theo standing in the edge of the forest, a small smile on his lips, I can tell he thinks he has what he wants with me, but he won’t understand the power I hold until he’s in my path. 

He believes he is a king, while he’s barely a knight, his pattern different to others, but predictable.  
But I’m the queen on this board, and he won’t escape my reach, after all, chess _is_ my game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter felt a bit slow but im trying not to rush it. Thanks if you’ve read this far!


	8. Taking shape

Once dad had finally fallen asleep, I exit my room, I need to check out Theo’s home, I can deal with his parents if they’re still there, although I doubt it.   
As I walk, I pass my father’s room, I look in to see a half empty bottle of whiskey beside his snoring figure, I would have woken him up but I don’t have time for that.   
We need to kill. 

I quietly shut the door behind me, not that it matters, the only person in the house is passed out drunk.   
I quickly scan my surroundings to make sure no one decided to ‘stick around to see if I was okay,’ after finding nothing I walk down the pavement, it was a short journey and I want to think about what Im about to do. 

Once I do this, there will be no going back, thank god, this will solidify my new mind, after all I can’t go back to the old Stiles after what I’m going to do to Theo. But It will be spectacular.

I see the house down the street, thankfully his car isn’t in the driveway and the lights are off, I approach slowly, I guess Theo has to check in with the dread doctors.  
It looked like they were his superiors, it made me wonder why. They wouldn’t just pick up a random werewolf before coming to beacon hills, the dread doctors mainly deal in chime-.

You’ve got to be kidding me. Theo has to be a chimera.  
Well, it will be fun taking him apart, learning exactly what kind of hybrid he is, I grin excitedly, god it’s like Christmas came early!

I look around the house quickly, there are alarms on the front door so I go around to the back, to an outsider this might seem like a perfectly normal house, but I could already smell it.  
The scent of death. 

I force open the latch to see a mountain ash line, I chuckle to myself, idiot, that won’t stop me. I walk right through, the scent is even stronger here. And I can see why.

Just on the other side of the door, the decaying body of Theo’s father, it looks as if his head was smashed in by a hammer, and his joints as well? Huh, I should write that down. Simple yet effective.   
I carry on walking through, and in the living room his mother looks quite similar, maybe a bit more passion behind this one. Interesting, why would he bother? 

I shrug to myself, doesn’t matter too much, I comb through the house, looking for tools I could use, I found a fair amount. Looks like Theo kept busy.   
I put them in a pile next to the couch where I sat down, a can of soda in my hand, nothing like a refreshing drink before a murder I say.

While I sit and wait for my prey, I allow myself to relax, to feel the power tune itself into my body and mind, I didn’t want it to randomly cut out midway through, like i’m in some sort of dodgy movie. Shit I hope I don’t jinx myself. Christ I’m being stupid. 

I stand and sit a few times, pacing up and down the rooms, he really needs to hurry up, we’re getting restless. 

That’s when I heard it, the rattling of keys in the door, I smile once more, my heartbeat steady. I sit on the coach waiting for him to enter.   
He opens the door and I her him sigh from exhaustion, poor Theo doesn’t know he won’t be sleeping tonight. 

He walks through the living room door to see me, he practically leaps out of his skin and I hear his heart spike. I almost couldn’t contain myself.  
‘Hello, Theo’ I say calmly.  
‘Stiles! Jesus you scared the shit out of me’ he laughs and I can feel him calming down, he couldn’t be more stupid if he tried, i mused. 

I stand quickly, making him flinch ever so slightly, ‘tell me, Theo, do you really understand what you asked for, when you asked for me?’ I question, I can already see him start to get confused.  
‘What do you mean? I made it pretty clear didn’t I? I wanted you, but the you that craved destruction, just as I do!’ He sounds so unsure of his words, this was a change.

‘See I don’t think you fully understood, do you know why I was in those tunnels tonight?’   
‘I guessed you were following me, you never liked me after all, and it’s a strange place for an innocent man to go. Am I wrong?’ His fight or doubt instincts started to kick in, maybe it was my unusual calm, or the smoke still on my lips, or the energy of the Fox, who knew at this point. But it excited me.

‘You’re right and wrong, Theo, because I’ve been tailing you for weeks, finding when you’re alone for the longest. And do you know why?’ I ask distractedly, as I was running my fingers over the little trinkets on the tables.  
‘..no, why?’ He asks, his voice a slightly higher pitch than usual.

‘I was gonna kill you.’ I say matter of factly, ‘because you see, when you and your dread doctor buddies set Donovan on me, and yes I know it was you, it awoke something in me. The void, and while that might’ve been what you wanted, you went about it the wrong way, because now? You’re going to be slaughtered like the pig you are’ after finishing the sentence I turn to him, looking deep within his eyes, to my delight I see fear with a bit of defiance, I wonder what he’ll come out with next.

‘But, how do you think you’re gonna kill me? You’re just an insane man!’  
‘And you’re a chimera? Oooh I’m shaking in fear’ I mock.  
‘Ho- how did you know that?’   
‘It doesn’t matter, because I’m bored of this and I want to have some fun, shall we?’ I ask, fists clenched. 

He’s stupid, i decide, as he tries to knock me down with his speed, I catch his wrists easily.  
‘I told you, Theo, you have more than you bargained for’ in that moment I inject a concoction of mistletoe and wolfsbane into his system, as he started to go unconscious I held his cheek, feigned sadness in my eyes.

‘I thought you ‘craved destruction’ huh, I guess it doesn’t count when it’s happening to you, see you later Theo.’ I whisper, and his eyes close as he falls to the ground. I drag him to his room then tie him to the bed, a makeshift rack, I guess it will do. I smile once more.

But if you were an onlooker, glancing into the window, you wouldn’t see a boy grinning over an unconscious man, you’d see a figure, shrouded in black, pulsing like a shield. The smile more like a snarl, although the figure barely looked human. 

More accurately, it was shaped like a fox.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if this is going well or not, if you have any feedback feel free to leave it, positive or negative I don’t mind, enjoy!


	9. Insatiable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried out Theo’s POV in this chapter, I wasn’t quite sure how to start it in Stiles’ POV. Hope you don’t mind it. Thanks for reading and leave a kudos if you want. Enjoy!

**Theo**

I start to wake up, my head is pounding so hard I can barely remember how I got here. I crack open my eyes and look around to see my arms and legs in thick metal chord, I pull on them desperately but for some reason they don’t budge, what the hell? 

I look around the room more, it’s mine, I see someone, or something, shrouded in darkness near the edge of the room.   
‘Hello, who’s that?’ ‘This isn’t funny!’   
They start to move, I squint to see, it’s... Stiles? What’s he- just as the question started it all cane flooding back, fuck this isn’t good he’s gonna fucking dissect me. 

‘Coming back to you is it?’ He asks, I can’t help but back up into the mattress, his cold, dead eyes feel like they’re boring into my soul. His ever present smile fills me with fear, more fear than the dread doctors could ever bestow. ‘Please, Stiles don’t do this, do you want information about the dread doctors? I’ll give it to you just let me go I won’t say a thing!’ I beg, knowing it’s fucking useless, he’s practically a Nogitsune at this point, he’s probably enjoying this right now.

The smile growing just proves my theory, great. I look him over to see his hands clenching and tensing next to his sides, maybe he’s anxious? I can play off that.   
‘Come on, Stiles, do you really think you can kill somebody if unprovoked, right now I’m an innocent guy you’re about to kill. That’s first degree murder.’ I say frantically, his dad’s the sheriff maybe that will hit a chord.

And it did. The smile vanished from his face and he grew stiff, then he started to shake, was it working it?  
That question was quickly answered when he whipped his head up and started laughing, a deep, cold, laugh. Shit, this did the opposite of what I wanted. 

‘You really thought that would work? Really? Trying to get me to think about my dad? Huh, but I must commend you on trying, always the survivor, aren’t you Theo.’ He stated enthusiastically.

After looking at me for a moment, he quickly moves over to the desk by my head, I hate how I flinched at his movements, but they were so... not Stiles, it caught me off guard.   
I turn to see what he was doing. My face drained of blood.

Scalpels, hammers, knives, Clamps, pliers and many other things. I can’t help but whimper slightly, which makes stiles chuckle, ‘so at least we know you’re half doggy’ he mocked.  
He lifts up the pair of pliers, looking at my fingers for an unsettling amount of time.   
‘This will be fun.’ He whispered, all amusement leaving his face, just pure evil, and excitement. 

I’m fucked.  
********************************************  
 **Stiles**

My body is practically shivering with anticipation. Seeing the once arrogant and strong man helpless and near tears was perfect.

I force open Theo’s clenched fist, it seems that he at least understood what was about to happen. ‘Let’s see, Theo, which finger do you reckon is the least important?’ I whisper, running my fingers along each finger, feeling the fear pulsing through from him to me. It was slightly jarring as it felt almost too similar to the Nogitsune; I put it to the back of my mind, it felt too good to stop because of my own fear.

Suddenly, I snap his ring finger and snarl, ‘I asked you a question Theo. Least important finger.’   
Through laboured breathe and pure panic he quickly wheezes out ‘little finger!’  
I smile triumphantly, ‘there, that wasn’t too hard, was it?’   
I grab his little finger and force the pliers underneath the nail.   
I clamp it down and pull as hard as I can.  
He screams, oh does he scream. I close my eyes and listen, as they die down to whimpers of defeat. 

‘Please, please just stop it.’ Theo pleads, I look down at him and press my hand on his injured one, he hisses in pain but I’m not listening. I feel his pain, the chaos of emotion flowing through me. 

In this moment, I understood the Nogitsune. This feeling, already I feel it rooting like an addiction within me, I felt lightheaded and euphoric, I open my eyes, I remember what they said.

‘Insatiable,’ I whisper. I pull my hand away, shit that better not happen, I run my fingers through my hair, pulling myself together. As I look back at Theo, he’s watching me intently, as if he’s just worked something out.

He huffs out a pained laugh, ‘what the fuck are you? It’s like _you_ are becoming the dark kitsune?’ Theo thinks aloud, looking as puzzled as I feel. 

‘Well.’ I say, ‘you won’t be figuring that out any time soon,’ I pick up a large knife from the collection of tools, I intended to use more but at the moment I need to think. 

Before he can even process what’s about to happen, I stab the knife through his heart. I felt the same intensity as before and felt a shock throughout myself, holding back a groan of satisfaction, I pull the knife back out.

I tidy up everything, putting things back into place, i transfer Theo to his living room after unchaining him and putting them back in the basement. Carefully, I pump mercury into his body, until it leaks out of his nose and mouth, it has to look like the dread doctors did it. It would clear my name and show the pack I was right about the fucker. I can get closer then, if they’re smart. 

Once I’m satisfied, I leave the house and head home, I look at my watch, 6:15am.  
Time to get ready i guess.

As I walk to school, I try to ignore the need building in the back of my mind; the need for chaos. I close my eyes and breathe in.   
‘Don’t worry’ I whisper to myself ‘soon.’ 

_the whole town will be our playground once more stiles_

I snap my head around, the faintest whisper. I carry on walking. Looks like the   
Nogitsune decided to finally make his debut. 

I smile once more. _welcome back_


	10. Forgiveness

I walk through the doors of the school, at this point I wouldn’t be shocked to see another creature running rampant as soon as I enter. It’s a wonder people still send their kids here. 

I spot everybody and walk over, putting on a face that doesn’t show that I just enjoyed killing a man last night. As I get closer I can hear a whispered argument, I slow down and go behind a set of lockers, listening in; ‘I’m telling you guys Stiles seems like he’s fine now, if you keep pushing him he finally _will_ fuck you up!’ 

Wow, looks like I didn’t need to use enhanced gearing anyway, the last line of the conversation was practically shouted out, and Liam storms away, red on the face. I can’t help but feel a burst of excitement. The pack falling apart is always nice. 

I walk round the corner a few moments later, looking a bit confused, ‘why are you guys looking so stressed? And what’s up with Liam he blanked me when he walked past?’   
‘...there was just a bit of a disagreement’ Scott says, unsure.   
‘About what?’ I ask, nonchalantly, wondering what kind of half baked lie he’ll come up with.

To my surprise, he looks me straight in the eye and announces ‘it was about you and what you said about Theo, he thought you were telling the truth but, and I’m sorry but I don’t believe that Theo is anything but someone looking for a pack’ 

I look at him, shocked, I push out a laugh and say, barely masking my annoyance, ‘well you can believe that then, but if he ends up tearing your throat out..’ I trail off, then whisper ‘honestly I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for not trying harder, to get you to see it.’ I look around to the others, seeing they’re caught in my lie, I love seeing their stupid faces, soaking up everything I say if I look sad. 

I finally look back up at Scott, distrust still present, but for once he’s smart, he can tell the rest of them wouldn’t be happy if we fought, so after a sigh of frustration he says, ‘okay, maybe you could be right, but I still need to see proof.’ Typical Scott, always trying to placate everyone.

After I nod to him, accepting his words. The bell goes. We all go to our separate lessons.  
After sitting through thirty minutes of the class, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, I look down to see a text from Scott: ‘everyone come to the front of the building; somethings happened’ 

I smile, they probably found Theo, I wasn’t worried, and they’d finally see he was one of the dread doctor’s creations.   
I stand and collect my things, the teacher just sighs in defeat. ‘You were doing so well, hadn’t left class like this in a solid two weeks’   
I smiled sheepishly and ran out.

Once I reached the parking lot, Scott and Lydia were already there. ‘What happened? And why do you all look so messed up?’   
‘It’s Theo, they found him dead in his home.’   
‘What?’ I ask, incredulously. ‘How?’

Scott looked agitated, ‘they found him with mercury leaking from him, it was the dread doctors’  
‘Wait wait wait, Theo’s a chimera? But how?’   
‘I don’t know, but stiles there’s something else. They found Theo’s parents there, beaten and decaying. It was him’ 

I look at him in shock this just kept getting better, I’d forgotten about them. ‘Shit, I thought he was bad but, killing his parents?’ I lean against a nearby pole. 

Scott finally looks me in the eye, and says something I’ve been waiting for him to say for way too long; ‘I’m sorry, you were right, Stiles. I shouldn’t have doubted you, you said there was something wrong with the parents since the beginning.’ 

I look at him sincerely, ‘Hey, Scott, it’s okay, he seemed innocent, hell I doubted myself a few times. It’s alright, yeah? Come here’ I say as I pull him into a tight hug hiding my smirk and glee, finally. 

I catch Lydia’s eye, just catching a glimpse of something, recognition? My smile disappears. It was only for a second, she probably didn’t even notice it herself, I need to be more careful around her. She can sense practically everything. 

Cautiously, I release Scott and smile at him, just then Malia, Kira and Liam come down from the entrance. Scott explains to them and I could see Liam having to hold himself back from saying ‘I told you so’ I don’t blame him, I felt the same way. 

Afterwards, we all started to walk back in together, as if we were just a group of friends, and we hadn’t just spoken about a murdered man, huh, and they call me and the Nogitsune the monster. 

I look around to each of them, they all finally regained their trust. I could carry out my plans for their downfall, I imagined them kneeling at my feet, begging and apologising. It will be beautiful. The pain the chaos. All of them will finally pay. 

Although I didn’t know it. It wasn’t true, I didn’t want them to pay, I just wanted pain, it didnt matter who or why. I just wanted chaos. 

_let it begin_


	11. Pain shouldn’t be felt

School passed by like any other day, with the occasional unsettled look from Lydia, I probably need to work out how to suppress my emotions or aura or whatever it is she’s creeped out by. 

But as i enter my room I can finally relax, I lie down on my bed and close my eyes, thinking of all the ways I could hurt them. But none of them feel perfect. I huff with frustration, I want them to pay, I want them to feel betrayal like I had, the pain of a friend watching them fall into chaos. I want to see them scream in pain and see the light in their eyes die. I just don’t know how. 

My stomach churned with a sudden anger, I stand and pace. I _need_ it. Suddenly, I turn and punch the wall as hard as I can, shouting as I do. I look up to see a huge hole in the concrete. ‘Shit’ I whisper, looking at my hand, three of my fingers seem to be broken and my knuckles were bleeding profusely. Just then, dad runs into the room, probably hearing the shout and crash.

I turn quickly, hiding the hole behind my back as well as my hand, I smile at him innocently ‘What’s up?’   
He looks around, slightly confused, ‘I thought I heard something.’   
‘Really? I didn’t hear a thing, you are getting on a bit, hearing things?’ I question with my usual sarcasm; he scoffs with laughter ‘Christ stiles i’m not that old.’   
I rise my eyebrows in amusement. ‘Oh well, I guess it must’ve been nothing.’ He says, speaking more to himself than anything. 

I smile again, as he closes the door I look at my hand, Jesus it hurts like a motherfucker. I try to move it but hiss in pain. Just then my door is slammed open too quickly for me to react, it was dad again, it looked as if he was about to laugh at me saying he caught me doing something, until he looked me over.

He runs over to me and gingerly holds my wrist, raising my hand to his face. ‘Jesus stiles are you okay? They look broken!’ 

In that moment, I felt something, small, but it was there, warmth? Dad’s concerned and kind eyes struck something within me. But that’s not supposed to happen! I shouldn’t be able to fucking feel again.   
I look at him carefully, ‘I’m fine, dad really,’  
I try to pull my hand away but he stops me. 

He looks over to my wall, shocked. ‘Fucking hell son how did you manage to do that?’ He practically whispers.  
‘...I was upset?’ I say lamely, it’s the first time I’ve felt unsure since the start of all this, it was unnerving but kind of nice, as long as only good emotions make it through, as if. 

‘There’s a hole in concrete!’ He exclaims,  
his eyes soften, ‘you can tell me what’s wrong, son’ he whispers to me.  
Slowly, he sits on the edge of my bed and I flop down. I decide to tell him some of the truth, I can’t exactly say I was angry that I couldn’t find the perfect way to kill all my friends. 

‘Scott, my so called best friend, doesn’t have an ounce of trust in me, it’s like he’s constantly walking on egg shells around me, as if I’ll snap or some shit, it’s driving me insane, dad.’ I whisper, voice cracking for real this time.  
‘Oh, son come here,’ he says, pulling me into a tight hug. 

For a while, he just hugs me, it’s as if I was ten years old again, before dad started to drink too much, while he was still present. It nearly hurt, but it was also comforting, a feeling I had pushed away for a while.  
I was hoping it would just stay this way, that he wouldn’t ask how I managed to break concrete, but of course, he was a sheriff, he always asked questions.

He pulls away from the hug cautiously, looking me over, as if I could break into thousands of pieces. ‘Stiles, you have to tell me, how did you do that to the wall?’   
I close my eyes and take a few breathe, ‘I don’t know, dad.’ When I open my eyes I know it didn’t work, ‘do you think I was born yesterday? Son it’s okay, I won’t judge you, I mean Jesus your best friend is a werewolf!’ 

In that moment, it was as if a dam broke in my head. Tears come to my eyes, ‘I fucked up, dad.’ I murmured.  
He puts his hand on my back, ‘what do you mean?’ He asks soothingly. ‘I- I let him in again. I know I shouldn’t have but I was just _so_ angry, and he kept speaking to me and it sounded so much safer, I’m so sorry,’ I sob out, curling into dads side like a fucking kid. 

‘...what do you mean, let him back in?’ He asks, his voice strained. I look up, scared, ‘no, no I’m still me, I promise, I just embraced the power he left behind, that’s how I broke the wall, I’m me, just powered up, you understand?’ I ask, hysterical, eyes glazed over.

‘Stiles, how could you?’ He asks hoarsely, eyes hard yet broken. No, no this can’t be happening.  
‘...dad? Why are you looking at me like that? I’m still your son!’ I turn closer to him and he flinches back a few inches, my heart breaks slightly. Please no. 

He stands up backing out of the room. ‘Out.’ He croaks out. ‘What? No please dad don’t abandon me too. I can’t handle that too. It feels as if I’m breaking, please, dad.’ I plead desperately, practically crawling to him, I can barely see because of the tears in my eyes.   
‘Out!’ He shouts, at the top of his lungs. ‘I won’t tell anyone, for your sake, but don’t you come near this house again. You’re not my boy. Not anymore.’ He states.

‘No. No please, you’re the last person I have left, you can’t leave too.’ My throat feels as if it’s on fire, spreading down to my feet.  
‘Please, just go away.’ He says, not looking into my eyes. 

I close my eyes for a moment, then look up. ‘Okay.’ I sniff quickly and grab my school bag, I need to look okay to everyone else.   
‘Goodbye, sheriff.’ I whisper coldly. As I rush out the door

As I walk, I hear him. _I’ve told you before, Stiles, all you have is me. I’m the only one you can trust. They all betray you in the end. Come back in. It’s okay_

My mind clicks back into place. Stupid fucking emotions. I never should have trusted him. I can’t trust anyone. Only the ones in my mind.   
I close my eyes once more.

Once I open them again, the iris’ are no longer the usual cool brown, but a deep black, they say the eyes are the window to the soul, and mine are like endless dark tunnels, no light, no hope, but at least there’s no more pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you’re not hating this so far, if you have any feedback feel free to leave a comment. Enjoy!


	12. Dream or reality

I walk through the streets of beacon hills, breathe freezing as soon as it leaves my lungs. Just my luck that I’d be kicked out in the middle of winter. I pull my thin jacket closer to my chest.  
I’ve been walking for hours. Trying to get my head straight. At first I wanted to add the good sheriff to my list, but it would raise too many questions, he’s an annoyingly important figure in the town.

I decide to go back to the house and get my jeep, I could sleep in that at least. I would’ve gone to Scott but he would definitely question why dad kicked me out.   
I get there in about an hour, by then it’s gotten even colder. ‘Shit,’ I forgot my keys.   
I look over my old home, the doors and windows are all locked, but I had a door key, the car keys were right next to the door, I could probably sneak in and out.

Carefully, I walk up to the door, dodging all the windows . Thankfully I’ve snuck in and out enough to know the basic way of getting in.   
Quietly, I slot the key into the door and turn it, grimacing at the loud clicking sound. 

I push open the door with as much care as I could. I look into the undisturbed corridor, seeing the key rack just metres away, I walk in, looking about to see no one. I rush over to the rack, grabbing the key. I hesitate for a moment. Then grab a post-it note and a pen. Writing ‘sorry- SS’   
I put it where my keys were then race out of the house. 

As I get into the car, I shake my head, unsure on why I did that. I put it past me, he’s my dad, that won’t change. I start up the engine after a few attempts.  
I start to drive, as I’m going, I wonder about how the hell things went wrong so quickly, my plans were going completely to plan. The pack was trusting me again, Theo was dead. 

But now, I don’t have a home, my emotions seem to be poking through way too often, and the only thing stopping dad from telling everybody the truth, is my face.  
I sigh in annoyance and park in the parking lot outside the 24 hour gas station. This will do for now. 

I pull out an old blanket from the boot, which I usually used for wafting away the smoke from my engine, and move to the back seat. It’s not comfortable in anyway but it’ll work.  
I set an alarm for six the next morning, I don’t even know where I am so I probably need that time. I lie down and close my eyes. 

Groggily, I open my eyes. Looking around, what the hell...?   
I turn around frantically, too see... nothing.  
Nothing but ashes and fire, i start to walk, looking around me as I go, it looks like I’m walking down a street, the tarmac seems almost molten.

I keep walking, my eyes are drawn to something, i slow down and squint through the smoke. It looked like... the remains of my house? I run to it, looking around, confused. I hear something groan behind me, spinning around, I see a figure dragging himself across the ground.   
I race over, seeing my dad, his insides trailing beside him, as if he’s been gutted.

‘Dad!’ I shout, terrified. ‘What happened, who did this?’ I ask. He seems confused for a moment then looks up at me, horror showing through his pained eyes. ‘Get away from me, please just let me die in piece. You got what you wanted!’ He sobs. 

I look down at him in confusion, ‘what are you talking about? I’ve never laid a hand on you!’ He looks at me again, really looks, ‘it’s- it’s really you?’ He questions hopefully, ‘what kind of question is that? Of course it’s me! Now who did this?’ What happened here?’

His eyes start to become glassy, but he’s smiling, ‘it doesn’t matter son, you’re here, I get to hold you again. I love you son.’   
He whispers it out on his last breathe, I’m struck, he doesn’t say that. ‘Dad? Dad, fuck open your eyes!’ I scream. I hold his face in my hands, an inhuman sound of sorrow breaking out of my throat. The world around me shaking at my despair.

I grab him into a tight hug. What’s going on, this couldn’t be happening. I sob once more. This is unfair, why do these things keep happening to me?  
I pull away slowly, hands shaking, I stroke his face once more, closing his eyes. Taking a moment, I stand up.

Steeling my emotions. I go back to the street outside. I carry on, seeing houses levelled and others still burning.  
I stumble slightly, legs still shaky. I look back to see an arm on the floor, a flawed hand, it looked like Malia’s. This time I can’t hold back a small smile, she deserved it, and worse, she abandoned me even though she was no better. 

Pushing back the burst of anger, I continue.   
I hear a choking sound a few metres away, I follow it to see a figure on the floor and somebody towering over it. I look closer to see that it’s Scott on the floor, blood staining his chin and nose, a hand gripping his throat, he claws at it hopelessly, although the hand is practically in shreds, it still won’t move. 

The person standing over him starts to speak. ‘Now now, Scotty. Calm down, you trust me don’t you? I’m your brother!’ I hear them laugh cruelly. I know that voice, it was my own, distorted with rage, but me. ‘I promised I’d never kill again, but I guess that went out of the window, just like your mother did, but don’t worry, she might survive the broken back.’ The words were spat out like acid. 

Scott can’t even make a word, but he sees me and tries to reach out, it made.. me? Turn around, for the first time I get a real look at my face, the eyes are almost fully black, my skin is pale but not sickly, my teeth seem pointed but that could be my distorted sight.   
‘Oh? This is a surprise.’ He laughs ‘from the looks of you, you’re already falling. Well, this is the final product, do you enjoy it?’ He looks at me, pride filling his features.   
‘It’s beautiful.’ I whisper, ‘but did we have to kill everybody? I only wanted the pack gone.’ I ask carefully, unsure if they would snap. 

He looks at me, as if he was pitiful. ‘Oh, you haven’t truly felt it yet, have you? The hunger. After you start, you will never be able to stop, you’ll never _want_ to stop. ‘  
I shake my head slightly, but I knew it was true, the hunger was already growing in power. 

While distracted, the other me snaps Scott’s neck, his body seemed to shiver with excitement afterwards. ‘You’ll see,’ he whispers. I look around at his work, what I said was true, the chaotic silence, it was marvellous.

I take a moment to bask in it all, i wanted to soak up the chaos, fear and pain, but something was stopping me.   
‘You should wake up, Stiles. It still needs to happen for you.  
I blink for a second, then it comes to me, obviously I’m dreaming. There’s a distance ringing and the image starts to crumble around me.

I open my eyes once more, seeing the interior of the jeep and the alarm beeping angrily. Rubbing my eyes I turn off the alarm. Stretching out my stiff body.

The dream is still as clear as daylight. This time I’m not sure I like so much. I was too out of control. I sight and decide not to think about it too much. I drag myself out to get something to eat front the gas station.

But within his mind, unbeknownst to him, a war was waging, the fight between Stiles’s soul and the darkness, and at the moment, his soul was failing, too broken and fragile, bit by bit, being replaced by the void. But hey, at least it’s still Stiles. Isn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how I feel about this one, feel free to leave feedback on how you’re liking it. Enjoy!


	13. Control

I eat the shitty pastry in my car before leaving. Once I get onto the main road, I start to get my bearings, thankfully I should get to school on time. It’s the last day before winter break and I can’t miss these exams or I’ll be fucked next year. 

I managed to get to the school on time, walking in I see Lydia studying furiously with Malia staring blankly at a biology text book, Liam’s sitting next to Mason in a similar situation, even though their exams were after the break, Liam needed all the hell he could get. 

I chuckle and shake my head at them, they were so... normal. I sigh and and look around for Scott, I spot him and walk over.   
‘Hey Scott, no last minute cramming?’   
He looks up at me, obviously not noticing my approach, oops, I forgot to walk like a paranoid elephant. He chuckles slightly and says ‘no, I read that doing that only makes it harder, I revised last night though, you were supposed to come but you didn’t answer the phone.’ He says pointedly, but there was no fire behind his words, he almost looked concerned. 

‘Shit, sorry it completely skipped my mind,’  
That wasn’t entirely a lie, to be honest I don’t even remember making the plan.   
‘It’s fine I suppose, I just hope I scrape a pass.’ He laughs worriedly.   
‘You and me both, man.’ I laugh. In reality I normally got pretty good grades when I tried, but when Scott was doing particularly bad during a semester I would lower my grade. Huh, now that I think about it it wasn’t exactly the best idea. 

There was an announcement over the speaker system, it was calling us to the exam hall. I look around to see every one in my year take a scared breathe. I would usually join them but thankfully the hollowness had my back. I decided to look worried though, my dad might know but everyone else shouldn’t. 

I look over at Scott with a sheepish smile, ‘let’s do this shit.’   
We join up with Lydia and Malia, and Kira came sprinting towards us, hair ruffled, ‘fucking hell nearly missed it’ she huffed out, we all laughed. 

Lydia looks me over then says nonchalantly, ‘you look a lot calmer than usual,’ I stiffen slightly before saying ‘yeah I got put on this new medication, it’s working pretty well,’ I smile shyly, playing off how nobody questions things when it comes to my usual anxiety.   
She nods again, looking slightly unsure, i scowl to myself. Fucking banshees. 

After sitting through hours of endless exams, making sure to tap my pen enough to seem realistic. I discreetly look around to each of my _friends_ they all looked so vulnerable, some slightly, some greatly confused, nothings going through their minds except an equation or two, and of course panic. 

_I know how we can play with them._  
I’m slightly startled, where had they been recently. I sigh and ask; how?   
_just let me take control, only for a second._

No. I think instantly. That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard. I had to physically stop myself from saying it aloud.

_remember, the Nogitsune spirit isn’t actually here. It’s the knowledge that needs to take over. Without it you wouldn’t know where to start._

I think it over. Although by no means am I happy about it, if what he’s saying is true, it can’t actually possess me. Can it? I can tell the hunger for their pain is clouding my judgement, but right now I can’t find it within myself to care.   
And anyway, I’ve been blindly agreeing with them this whole time, what’s one more time?   
‘Okay’ I whisper aloud. Quiet enough to seem like I was trying to get ready to answer another question.

Almost instantly, it felt as if I was co piloting. My eyes felt as if there was a veil over them. It was like an extra room opened, with knowledge that wasn’t my own. If I was completely myself I would’ve been overwhelmed. 

It rushed through my mind until it focused onto one thing. An ability I didn’t know the spirit had. It could in-still emotions into people around you. I smirked to myself. I gathered all the fear and paranoia I could and threw it out like a canon towards Scott. I couldn’t risk doing anything to Lydia yet. And everyone experiencing it would cause unnecessary suspicion.

Instantly I felt myself return to normal. But I could visualise the room filled with the dark spirit’s knowledge. For when I next need it. 

I turn to look at him again to see he’s shaking, eyes darting around to the people around them, no doubt worrying that they would somehow attack him, he was starting to sweat and breathe heavily.   
I could barely hold back my glee, watching him squirm under my thumb was something I had secretly longed for for years. 

Just then, the examiner calls out to everybody that the test was over. While waiting for our papers to be collected it looked as if Scott was about to cry, I chuckle slightly.   
I make eye contact with him, and give an expression asking if he was okay, he shakes his head and shrugs slightly, as soon as they say we can leave I race to his side.

‘Hey are you okay? You look like you’re having a panic attack?’ I question worriedly.  
‘Yeah, yeah I don’t know what happened but in the last few minutes I just started freaking out. Still am really.’   
I quietly pull him into the changing rooms.   
‘Just breathe with me Scotty, breathe in, hold it for five seconds, then breathe out for eight seconds, then again, come on Scott.’ 

I recall what dad had found on the internet ages ago, it apparently helped panic attacks but never quite worked for me.   
I grab his shoulders in the pretence of comfort. But in reality I was pulling back my influence.   
Afterwards, everything left was his fear and stress. It was too tempting. 

I dug my nails into him hard, feeling it travel through my fingers and up my arms, I look down to my hands to see my veins are black, I guess I truly was becoming something non human. I shudder with ecstasy, but play it off by shaking my arms slightly.   
He was starting to calm down, to my disappointment, but I was placated quickly with the high I was experiencing, I’d never felt anything so liberating.

I refocus my eyes on his face, he’s looking at me and slowly coming to his senses, I stop myself from draining it away entirely,   
‘T-thanks, thats never happened before, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’ 

‘Hey, hey there’s nothing wrong with you, it was just a panic attack, I get them all the time, nothing weird.’  
He nods to me, and leans his head into my chest.   
I raise my head to the sky, releasing a breathy laugh. So now, as soon as I can help him with something, we’re instantly fucking brothers again. I couldn’t help but find it funny. 

He finally pulls himself together and takes a deep breathe. ‘Okay, I’m good now.’ He says with resolution.   
I whack his shoulder with a grin, ‘good, if you ever feel like this again just call me or text me, yeah? I’ll be there as quick as I can no matter what.’   
I wasn’t really lying, if I could feel that again I would do anything. 

He looks at me with genuine joy. ‘Thank you, Stiles.’   
I smile once more. Trying to look genuine.   
We walk out, everybody had already left, but we walked to his motorcycle together, I wave him off, once he’s gone I allow the smile to drop off my face, I crack my neck and sigh, walking to the jeep. Another awkward night in a gas station I guess. 

What Stiles didn’t see, was a certain red head hiding behind the wall, she was almost like a ghost, seeing the changes in his persona, and now about to follow him ‘home’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii! I’m so sorry I haven’t updated in forever, I started going to quickly and ran out of ideas, but here you go, thanks if you stuck around!


	14. Discovery

**Lydia**

I chewed my lip as I sat behind the wheel of my car, trying to decide wether to follow Stiles’ beaten up jeep. I knew it was stupid but recently I’ve been getting weird vibes from him, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, we completely gave up on him due to the words of a boy we barely knew.

I was about to turn off the engine and let him drive away, but this nagging feeling just wouldn’t stop pushing me. I let free a strained groan and start to follow.  
I tail him for a little while, expecting him to turn into his driveway and go home like usual, but to my surprise he drives straight past his house. ‘What?’ I whisper to myself. I take a moment, hoping that I’m just being paranoid. 

I continue to follow him, eyebrows furrowed, tapping the cold leather wheel as I go, we drive for almost forty minutes, until we reach a small gas station, Stiles turns into it, parking in one of the spots, confused, I drive past, planning to circle back then park too, hopefully I won’t miss him. 

As I travel a realistic distance away from the station, I wonder, everything’s just been so off lately, the dread doctors have gone terribly quiet and it’s making everybody jumpy. Speaking of which, Stiles has been much less jumpy than usual. It’s like there’s something broken in his eyes, something not quite right at all, and it gives me the chills whenever we we’re in the same room. 

A few years ago I would have disregarded it, but by now I’ve learnt to at least look into things that don’t feel right. Maybe he was telling the truth this morning, and maybe it’s the meds that have messed with his personality and aura, but I’m not quite convinced. 

I make a U-turn a few miles down the road, and go back to the station, once I’m close enough to be able to see that Stiles’ car is still parked, I stop near enough to see what’s happening in case he leaves. I spot movement from the building, he comes out of the store with a stockpile of food, ranging from snacks to full blown microwave meals. I see him pile it into the boot of the jeep and start the engine. 

He pulls out of the station, and starts going in my direction, panicked, I duck below the dashboard. I roll my eyes, feeling like a total idiot.  
I glance up, to see he went past me, I pull out and follow him again.   
After a few miles, he pulls into a small parking lot outside a river bank. I watch as he comes out with a thin blanket and a sandwich, sitting by the water, he eats the food, grimacing as he does so, I almost laugh, what did he expect from a gas station?

My confusion grows, what the hell is going on? I look at the time to see that the sheriff should be home right now, so why is he out here? Eating alone?   
Once he finished he threw the rubbish in a nearby trash can, then went into the back of the car, I see the body of it move slightly, curiosity got the better of me and I slowly got out of my car, closing the door as quietly as I could.

I tiptoe closer, looking into the back to see no one, confused I get closer, peering down through the window, to see Stiles lying down, covered by the blanket with a book in his hand, obscuring his face. Now I’m even more confused, is he waiting for somebody? 

Before I can react, he takes the book away from his face, he sees me, his eyes widening with shock and something akin to shame, he stumbles backwards, clumsily trying to open the door behind him, finally he manages it and nearly falls head first onto the concrete.   
He pops back up, smiling sheepishly as if he got out with the grace of a god. 

‘Lydia! What are you doing here?’ He asks, trying to sound calm but he seems to be panicking, he looks as if he’s a deer caught in headlights.   
‘I think the real question is what are you doing here?’ I counter, genuinely curious. 

He sighs, that dead look in his eyes shows up once again. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ he murmurs, uncharacteristically quiet.   
‘Why aren’t you at home? And why does it look like you were about to sleep in your car?’ I question. 

He clenches his fists and takes a few deep breathes, I raise my eyebrows, it looks as if he’s angry, which doesn’t happen very often with Stiles, he normally buries it and let’s it come out in comments of sarcasm.  
But once he looks at me again, he doesn’t look angry, he looks crushed, sadness flowing from every inch of him. I look at him apologetically.

‘I’m sorry for following you, but something seems wrong with you and I want to help, you’re my friend, after all.’ I say, half truths are better than lies, I guess.   
He looks me over, as if trying to guess if he should tell me anything or not, slowly, he opens his mouth, then closes it again, shoulders slumped, looking defeated.   
He flops down, sitting on the ground leaning against the body of the jeep, I join him, we stay there for a few, deathly silent minutes, I consider leaving and letting him be, until I hear him.

‘Dad kicked me out,’ he announces, trying to sound unaffected but his voice cracks at the end of it.   
I stare at him, dumbfounded, ‘what? Why would he do that? What happened?’ I can’t help but be incredulous. 

‘It was after Donovan, he couldn’t even fucking look at me, Lydia. In the end he’d had enough, we were just eating together, talking normally about our days, then he just snapped and screamed at me to get the fuck out and that he never wanted to see my face again. So I grabbed some cash, my keys and bolted, if I didn’t I’m pretty sure I would’ve had a plate thrown at my head.’ 

For a moment I thought the last part was an attempt at a joke, but the haunted look on his face said otherwise. I was utterly speechless, I never even thought about what his dad thought about it all, I thought that since he was a cop he would understand self defence. 

‘Do you think Theo told him an exaggerated version of things like he did to us?’ I ask, hopefully.  
He shakes his head vigorously, ‘no, I’m the one that told him, it was after I spoke to Scott about it the first time, I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore,’ he sounded almost hysterical, his voice had rose an octave or two, and his eyes glistened with tears. 

It all made sense now, obviously he wasn’t his usual self, he had everybody he loved turn against him, I silently scold myself for letting it all go this far.   
‘Maybe I could speak to him, try and get him to see sense?’   
‘No!’ Stiles shouts frantically, I’m taken aback. He calms down almost instantly, ‘no, there’s no point. And- please don’t tell Scott, or anybody I don’t want to worry him, you all already have enough on your plates. You don’t need my stupid family problems in the mix’ he laughs, self-deprecation oozing from the statement. 

I’m about to protest, Scott’s his best friend, he should know. But when I think it over, he seems to be right. Scott’s already stressed enough, and, although it sounds harsh, domestic fights aren’t quite on the top of the list.   
‘I guess, I mean- you understand, we have mass murdering metal things that we don’t even know how to hurt on the loose,’ I cringe to myself, nice one Lydia, cocked that one up a bit. 

Stiles’ small smile dropped off his face, he looks down. ‘Yeah, speaking of, you should probably go home, although we don’t really know who the dread doctors, target I wouldn’t risk it.’ He forces a smile my way, but his words were cold. 

I sigh and stand up, ‘yeah you’re right, wait what are you doing over the holidays?’ I ask, it’s way too cold to be staying in a car with a broken heater. 

‘I don’t know, I can stay at Scott’s a few nights when it’s really cold.’ He suggests.  
‘What about Christmas?’ I question. He shrugs slightly. ‘I suppose I’ll just.... celebrate here? I can treat myself to a hot chocolate at the gas station, they have a machine and everything.’ He jokes slightly.   
I would offer him to spend it with my family, but it’s tradition not to bring non-relatives. 

I’m about to leave, but before I go I take off my thick coat and hand it to him, ‘it doesn’t look like you have one.’ I say lamely. He looks at me gratefully, ‘thanks, if I survive the winter I’ll owe it to you.’ He laughs, but only semi-joking. 

I smile one last time, then start to walk away, the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, I shake it off, after losing my coat it’s just the cold, I reason. I get back to my car, glancing out the window one more time I see the back door closing once again. Sighing, I drive away. 

**Stiles**

I’m shaking. The rage is bubbling inside me like a bomb, moments away from exploding. How dare she? She gives me a fucking coat and acts as if she’s saved my fucking life! 

_what did you expect Stiles, Lydia has always been selfish, she ignored your existence until she needed help. None of them care, can’t you understand that by now?_  
Shut up shut up shut up.

I clutch the garment as hard as I can, the deep black fires of anger running through me, I feel as if I could scream. 

So I do.  
A deep, pained, bellow escapes me. I feel my vocal chords strain and burn, my eyes water from the pain of it. 

After a while, the sound begins to subside, the pain in my throat giving me the clarity I needed. I look down to see scorch marks in the shape of my hands on the coat. Raising them I see they’re clean of ash. That’s new.   
The burning of my insides battle the cold of the air, it was a new feeling, I was used to the cold, hollowness. But now I felt red hot anger. Huh, I was becoming more like him every day it seems. It should worry me, but I find it doesn’t.   
In fact, I find myself embracing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still not sure if the changes in POV are interesting but I’m trying it out again. Leave a comment if there’s anything you want to say, im always happy to hear what people like or don’t like about the stuff I write, enjoy!


	15. Light?

I awake to the now familiar sight of the roof of the car. Body stiff and frozen solid.   
I stretch out my arms as best I can, seeing my fingers are blue, quickly, I wrap them in a heating pack I’d bought from the camping store not so nearby.  
I roll my eyes to myself, hating how human my body still was. 

After heating my hands enough to make my fingers move for long enough to open the packet of granola bars, I place the pack back on my feet.  
Still chewing slowly, I pack up everything. I’m supposed to go to Scott’s today. Probably wants me to do research on some creepy monster like usual. I sigh, this is going to suck. I can’t do anything to him while we’re alone, he’d eventually put two and two together and I don’t want that to happen too quickly.

I put the bundle of supplies into the boot then get into the drivers seat, after twisting the key a dozen times, the engine groaned to life, I grin and pat the dashboard fondly, grimacing at the small moan of the metal work. At least the Jeep hasn’t completely broken down yet.

I start to drive back to town, the only thing keeping me going is the thought of central heating.   
It had only been 3 days but it already felt like I hadn’t seen a building in years, I chuckle slightly, god I’m sad. 

Eventually, I crossed into the town, not a thing out of place, it’s weird to see how even when your life is falling apart at the seams, everything carries on, but that’s good, I suppose, they won’t see what’s coming.  
I pass my house as I drive through the streets, I look over to see the car is gone, forever working. 

Finally, I pull over just outside Scott’s place. I text him to let him know I’m here then climb out of the car. I’m about to go to the door before realising I would never, laughing to myself I pull my body onto the lowered roofing at the porch, slowly, I creep over to Scott’s window, I see him writing something, his phone is on his bed. 

I smile devilishly, and crawl over into the room, I’m slightly shocked Scott doesn’t notice me, you’d think he’d be a bit more paranoid after everything.   
I walk right through the room towards him, standing directly behind from his seated frame, bending down, placing my head inches from his ear.

‘Whatcha doing?’ I ask, probably louder than i needed to. Scott spins around wide eyed, almost falling out of his chair, I can’t help but laugh aloud, the look on his face was priceless, real fear until he saw it was me.   
‘Stiles! You nearly gave me a heart attack. Why don’t you ever go through the front door!’ He looks at me incredulously, but I saw the humour behind it, a shame, really. 

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was going to knock out at the window but you looked really distracted and I could stop myself.’ I say, wiping a faux tear from under my eye, still giggling a little. He shakes his head as if I’m an annoying child. aaand my amusement disappears. 

I look over his shoulder to fully see what he was writing, it looked like a college application, raising my eyebrows I ask, ‘why are you doing that now? We’ve got until the beginning of senior year!’ He looks down shy, ‘I wanted to start early so I could get it perfect.’ I nearly laugh at him but decide it wouldn’t be too friendly. 

So I shrug and say ‘fair enough.’ He visibly relaxes at my words. I finally get to the part of the conversation I was worried about. ‘So, why did you want me to come over? Is there another four legged terror on the loose?.’ I watch him pensively, hoping he wouldn’t ask me to search up anything, or I _will_ punch him. 

Surprisingly, he looks at me slightly confused, ‘no? I just wanted to hang out, I realised we hadn’t done that in a while, is that alright?’ He asked, sensing my confusion. Why now? He hasn’t wanted to hang out in something like a year by now.   
‘Yeah, yeah it’s good, like you said it’s been awhile, I wasn’t expecting it.’ I say, adorning a sheepish grin. 

The day took a different turn than I was expecting, it was...nice. I smile slightly while Scott is talking animatedly about a debate on socks and sandals he had with Kira, apparently she thought that some people could make it look ‘chic’, needless to say they disagreed. He stops for a moment, ‘What’s up? Why are you smiling? This is a serious topic!’ He says indignantly, I grin at him ‘it’s nothing, we just haven’t talked like this in a while is all.’ 

He smiles boyishly, and carried on talking, but there was understanding behind that smile.   
We stay like this for hours, catching up and laughing together, when it came to the time I was supposed to leave, I found I really couldn’t bring myself to sit cold and alone in an abandoned field. 

‘Hey Scott, can I stay the night?’ I ask slowly, unsure on wether it was a good idea, what if this moment ends, and he becomes ‘Scott the alpha’ again.  
He laughs, ‘of course you can, are you alright? Usually you don’t even ask, you just come in with an extra pillow.’ I laugh at the memories. Shrugging, I say ‘I don’t know, maybe I developed some manners?’ 

He laughs again and shakes his head, ‘Yeah right.’ I smile.  
‘Okay, I’ll just grab some pyjama shorts from the jeep.’ He looks at me with amusement, ‘why the hell do you have those in your car?’   
‘I have everything in my car Scott.’ He makes a face which basically says ‘true’ 

Walking out quickly, I think for a moment, maybe, things could end differently? I mean I’m still powerful, I can protect myself... and Scott. I feel a spark of hope in my chest, although it was small, and vulnerable, it was still there. I grin once more, a bounce in my step as I grab my things and walk back in.

‘Mom should be home any minute, she said she’d bring Indian for three, looks like she guessed you’d be staying’ Scott shouts over to me as I close the door, I cheer jokingly as I walk through to the living room. Plopping down next to Scott, I see he has an array of snacks out. He laughs ‘I got it all out before mom texted me.’ He reasons. I look at him conspiratorially. ‘How much do you reckon we could get down before she arrives.’ 

He barks out a laugh then says, ‘I don’t know, but I bet I can beat you.’ As he speaks, he rips open a bag of chips, ‘Hey! That’s cheating!’ I shout, opening my own bag. Within minutes we’re laughing so hard our cheeks hurt, mouths full of junk and without a care. For a moment, everything’s perfect. 

Scott stops chewing for a moment, ‘shit moms back.’ He says as best he can with his mouth full, eyes wide we rush to put everything away. We just about manage to throw the last packet as the door unlocked. We look over with innocent smiles on our faces.’ 

Melissa walk in carrying the bags of food,she looks us over then narrows her eyes, ‘what did you two do?’ She questions. ‘Nothing!’ We squeak out at the same time. She stares at us for a few seconds then shrugs. ‘I’ll find out soon enough.’ 

Scott and I look at each other, worried.   
‘Anyway, I got all your favourite stuff, although it’s kind of weird how I know exactly what you order, Stiles, but I suppose it’s helpful.’ She gives a bag to each of us, then she puts cutlery and plates on the old table. We all sit together, laughing and having an overall good time. I wish I could stay in this moment forever.

Maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to end this chapter quite differently but even I’m feeling bad for stiles.  
> Comment how you want this story to go, maybe I’ll take it into consideration when I write the next chapters. Enjoy!


	16. Waver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ.  
> Although I don’t usually put notes on the top, I gotta warn that there’s a possibly triggering section for people with self harm issues, I have marked it out with ### so if you’re sensitive to that skip until you find the second row of hashtags.

_Don’t fall for his lies, Stiles. He only wants you to trust him so he can destroy you once more. Don’t you see? He will never care, you’re too insignificant, too useless, too immoral, ever since he became strong enough to not need you. You’re too_ human.

The usually quiet voice shouts, deafening within my skull, announcing every doubt and fear I’ve had, every rogue thought throughout the years. I can’t block it out, no matter what I do, I cover my ears and shout, trying to at least quieten the sound. But nothing. Tears glaze my vision, all I can see is blankness, I can’t even tell if my eyes are open or closed.   
I feel a panic attack building, I can barely breathe, I force myself to reach out, trying to find anything to hold onto, but I’m met with nothing.

I pull my arms into my chest and roll down into a fetal position, I just want it to stop, I whimper slightly, feeling just as hopeless as the pack and Scott think I am- no, no that’s not true, Scott’s my best friend. I try to reassure myself.  
Then, suddenly, it all stops, the darkness lifts slightly, I see I’m in some sort of padded room, it looks strikingly like the one I was detained in while in Eichen house.

As I’m still folded in on myself, I feel a comforting hand on my shoulder, I whip my head and body around, feeling my neck protest.   
I see a figure kneeling before me, no matter how hard I look I can’t seem to make out any features, it looks almost like a shadow, but it was also physical.

‘Who are you?’ I ask, panicked. But it makes no sound, it just sits next to me. For some reason I don’t feel scared of the figure, I feel... calm. I slowly shuffle closer to it, it emanated a feeling of safety. 

It reached its arms out to me, as if it wanted to give me a hug, although it had no features, it felt like it would be smiling at me like my father does, or did.   
I move closer, feeling almost hypnotised by the figure.  
As I pull myself into the beings arms, it engulfs me, normally I would’ve been frightened, but a feeling of happiness and acceptance blossomed within me, I felt almost drowsy with content. I closed my eyes as I felt the feeling of something stroking my hair, it reminded me of my mother when I was young. I smile slightly.

_You see? I’m the only one who will accept you for all your flaws, I will keep you safe when you’re threatened. Unlike your... friends. They’ll discard you as soon as trouble arises, do you understand?_  
The voice sounded strange, it sounded slightly like mom, kind and comforting, but I knew it was the voice of the Nogitsune, still, I hummed in agreement, hearing but not quite understanding what they said. 

I lie there, in the bliss and silence of the beings arms. Far from the tormenting noise of my mind, and far from the unpredictably of the world. I was, finally, safe. 

I jolt awake, pushing myself up and looking around, I relax as I see I’m still on Scott’s floor, I hear him snoring slightly next to my head.  
I shake my head slightly, trying to brush off the effects of the dream. I rub my face and suppress a groan, I’m getting used to these creepy ass dreams at this point.

Although I knew it was probably nothing, I couldn’t stop thinking about what the shadow said, while Scott was a loose canon, and I would never quite know wether he’d stand by you or not, the quiet strength and the clarifying cold of the Nogitsune’s power was constant, dependable, i knew that it would be there. This time I can’t hold back the groan of frustration, this all just got too confusing.

I flop back onto the blow up mattress. Accidentally knocking over a glass next to me. I grit my teeth and close my eyes.   
I hear Scott stir slightly, ‘you alright?’ He slurs, still half asleep.   
‘Yeah, I’m alright, just knocked over a cup in my sleep.’ I force out a smile, even though he’s got his eyes closed.  
He snorts slightly, ‘okay. Night,’ he says as he falls back to sleep.

I look around, I don’t want to fall back asleep. I see there’s a pile of papers next to Scott’s desk, looking over making sure he’s still asleep, I reach over and pick up the pile.   
Skimming through it, I see images of a large black beast, French texts with scribbled translations in Lydia’s handwriting, and Malia’s discernible highlighters coating anything important. I look through, confused, I’d seen stories on the news vaguely about big animal attacks, but I thought it was nothing, why wouldn’t they tell me about this? 

I skim through the texts, reading through the story of ‘The Beast of Gévaudan’ ‘what the hell?’ I whisper to myself, how were the Argents connected to this too?   
I read through the victim list, and that they thought that the dread doctors were part of it. I sigh in annoyance, I should’ve killed them when I had the chance. 

As I look through the list of people it’s killed, the only pattern I notice is that at least half of them were cops. A deep, familiar ache formed in my chest, no, this couldn’t be happening again. They should have told me if it looked like it could have endangered my dad. Maybe the shadow was right.. I push the thought away, I shouldn’t assume anything.  
I carefully put the papers and books back in their place and lie back down, mind racing.  
Tears come to my eyes, why, every time I let my guard down I get royally fucked over. 

#########################

I clench my fists into the sheets and bite my cheek, tasting the metallic blood in my mouth. Trying to calm down I swill it in my mouth, I must have bitten down pretty hard but I couldn’t feel any pain. I felt numb again, but it wasn’t right, I open my eyes, slightly panicked.  
I scratch my upper arm, but still I felt nothing, all I felt was a deep pit in my chest, and the scrape of flesh underneath my nails, the sound of scratching piercing my ears as if from the inside.

I look down to my arm and hand, seeing blood crumbling within my fingernails and trailing down my shaking fingers, my arm has deep scratches, experimentally, I push my finger into one of the wounds, opening it wider, but no pain came. I stop, deciding it probably wasn’t the best idea to open a wound.   
I grab my jumper and pull it onto myself. 

########################

I sit, a silent panic attack racking my body and soul, my whole frame is shaking and I could feel heat crawling through my skin like wasp stings, I hadn’t felt this way since dad was a drunk bastard who blamed me for moms death. The panic and pit alike.   
I try to calm down, on the edge of my mind I feel the calming presence, beckoning me towards it. But I can’t, I can’t abandon Scott like he did to me, not without a solid reason, _he already has, so many times._ I push away the voice, I need him. 

After several minutes of trying to regulate my breathing, I start to calm down, what the fuck is going on? Gingerly, I lie back down, looking over to Scott’s face, smiling slightly, the guy could sleep through the apocalypse.  
I looked over to the small clock on his desk, seeing it’s 5am I keep my eyes open, I could wait until the morning, I’d ask them, he’d have a good reason I’m sure. 

I heard quiet laughter in the midst of my mind. I ignore it, Scott’s supposed to be good, he _has_ to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided to get into more of the teen wolf story to progress the story, sorry if I wrote anything wrong. I’m not too sure about some parts of this chapter but tell me your thoughts, enjoy!


	17. Fall

It’s been hours, but finally, Scott wakes up. I allow him to wake up slowly. ‘Morning Scott.’ I say with a too cheery smile.  
‘Hey Stiles.’ He says blearily.

As he gets his bearings, I try to keep myself calm. ‘Hey you know when I woke up last night?’ I ask, ‘yeah?’ He questions.  
‘I found.... I found the papers about the beast.’ I say simply, hoping he’s awake enough to get it.  
‘Oh.’ I almost laugh at how brief he is.   
‘Why didn’t you tell me? I always help researching this stuff and I’m good at it! And most of the victims are cops, what if one of them was my dad, Scott?’ I ask, trying to keep my voice calm but not quite succeeding.

Scott takes a deep breathe, he looks annoyed. ‘Stiles, this thing is a big deal, we didn’t want you getting hurt, you can defend yourself.’ He’s trying to sound reasonable but honestly he’s sucking.  
‘That’s bullshit, I’ve still helped you when we were against crazier shit than some weird big dog!’ 

‘Stiles, just let it go, you know now right?’ I look at him in shock and shake my head, a baffled smile on my lips. ‘No, man I’m not just gonna ‘let it go’ we’ve been through all this shit together it’s not gonna stop now!’   
‘Don’t you fucking get it Stiles? You may be smart but you’re human! You’re not strong enough to fight these things and although it’s taken me a while to get it I know it now. You can’t be involved in any of this or you’re either gonna die or fuck something up like you always do! I mean Jesus man your only defence is a fucking bat! You can’t help.’ Scott breathes heavily after the outburst.

I stare at him. Trying to process what he just said. I look into his eyes and although I see regret, there’s no sorrow, just like usual I suppose. ‘Oh.’ I mimic his previous response.   
And just like that, the blossoming emotion disappears as if somebody took a sledge hammer to a flower, it never had a chance. The cracks in my guarded chest, that allowed light to shine through, that warmed the deepest parts of my soul; closes, as if nothing had pried it open. 

I feel my mind open again, the presence of darkness and comfort once more a resident within me. I close my eyes and sigh, this was his last chance. Blew it. 

‘Hey, Stiles, I’m sorry, that was harsh. I-‘   
I cut him off. ‘No, no it’s okay, I understand, it makes complete sense, heh what can I do huh?’ I laugh, I don’t need him to push me away. 

He visibly relaxes, as if I just handed him a free pass. I grit my teeth, barely concealing the bubbling rage. Hello, old friend.   
He laughs slightly, ‘I’m glad, this doesn’t mean you can’t still be our friend, Stiles, just not part of the pack, it’s safer that way.’ God, it’s like a punch in the face, the complete idiocy of the guy astounds me. How would I not take offence to that?

Instead I chuckle, laughing in the face of pain as always, some things never change I guess.   
We sit in silence for a few minutes, ‘I, I have to go, promise it’s not because of anything you said, but I was supposed to be home last night anyway.’ I say, slowly putting away my things. He nods, not really paying attention. I shake my head, ‘see you,’ I call as I walk out, Melissa’s already working so I walk out in silence. 

I get into the jeep and throw the bag into the back, I start to drive, I don’t realise how hard I’m gripping the wheel until it groans under the pressure, as I try to shake off the tension I don’t notice the man in front of me on the road, as I look up I instinctively slam my feet onto the brake pedal, managing to stop inches away from his still figure. 

In shock, I climb out of the door, ‘you idiot, what did you think you were doing in nearly fucking killed you!’ I shout at him, I don’t recognise him, he must be from out of town. He looks me over, slightly dazed, ‘you should have hit me.’ He whispers, I look him over, confused, until I see the glint of a gun underneath his coat. ‘Come with me into the alleyway, once we’re there throw all your belongings at my feet. don’t make a sound and don’t try any shit then no one gets hurt.’ 

I nearly burst out laughing at my luck, first Scott and now I’m about to be mugged. I follow him into the alley, the anger building , I feel it in my fists, oh I’m going to destroy the pig.   
As we get deep enough into the alley, he says gruffly; ‘keep one hand up, and slowly reach into your pocket, throw my the stuff like I said, and I swear kid you move too quick I’ll blow your head off.’ 

I bring my hand towards my pocket, but instead i swing my fist around, thankfully much quicker than should be possible, and catch him off guard, my punch only hits his arm but it was enough force to knock the gun out of his hand.   
While he’s in shock, I punch him hard in the nose, knocking him to the ground, I walk over to the discarded gun and pick it up, studying it. 

‘You know, if I was having a good day i probably would have just shot you, but you see, my days been going shit.’ I muse, turning to him as I crush the gun in my fist, in truth it was much harder than I expected but i managed to hide that fact.  
He looks at me in horror, ‘what the fuck?’ He coughs out.   
I crouch next to his head, a smile filling my face, ‘you shouldn’t have come to beacon hills, the place is full of crazies,’ I whisper, I grip his hair tightly and slam his face into the concrete, a crack echoing against the high walls.

I drag him into a standing position and push him against the wall, he tries to laugh, ‘you should’ve bought me a drink first.’ He coughs out, I smile sweetly at him. ‘I would love to, but I’m a busy guy.’   
The smile drops as kick him in the knee, feeling it pop out of its socket. He howls in pain, dropping to the ground face first, ‘oh sorry, did I hurt you?’ I growl, as I place my foot on his upper arm, I grab his forearm and pull it upwards, he screams, begging for help. I grin as I start to feed on the terror, the familiar rush flowing into me, I shudder slightly. 

‘You picked a nice spot, buddy. No one’s gonna hear you.’   
I pull him up once more, and I beat him, I punch, kick and scratch him until I can see the white of his bones. I kick him once more in the stomach, all he can do is whimper.   
I flip him onto his back and straddle him, placing my hands on his throat. ‘I would apologise, but this is your fault.’ ‘You’re the one who should say sorry.’ I whisper to him, giving him a warning squeeze. ‘He chokes on the air, wheezing ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please let me live, I won’t go to the police I swear, please.’ He begs I grin. ‘Perfect.’ I say, as I run my fingers along his collarbone, sparks of his pain collecting in my palm, travelling up and pooling in my chest. 

‘You know, I could let you live, I believe you’d run away like a squealing piggy, but guess what? I don’t really want to.’ I say, humming the last part. I grip his neck tightly, allowing myself to feed freely, I grit my teeth, pushing down harder, groaning in pleasure, I look down into his frantic eyes, like a cornered animal, his hands clawing at mine desperately, legs kicking underneath me, every movement was like another jolt of power. 

I watch as the light and life drained out of his eyes, his flailing limbs coming to a stop, the constricting of his windpipe relaxing, I _felt_ him die in my soul, still connected to his emotions.   
It was amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter, sorry to those who don’t like Scott being a shit friend, but I see it like he genuinely thinks he’s doing the right thing. Thanks so much for 1,000 hits, i never thought my fanfic would get so many people to read it, leave feedback if you want, enjoy!


	18. Mistakes

I look out from the opening of the alley, I was so stupid, I got carried away. How am I supposed to hide a fucking body?   
I try to calm myself, I’m the son of the Sheriff, I can work this out.   
I run through each option in my mind, burning doesn’t actually destroy the evidence, there’s no lakes or anything nearby. I don’t even own a chainsaw. 

I groan in frustration. Why does everything have to be so complicated.   
‘Have you got anything to say? You’re the one well versed in murder.’ I ask myself, I must look insane. 

_‘I usually just leave them. I want people to find my handiwork.’_

‘Great,’ I sigh to myself, rubbing my red hands over my face. ‘You’re so helpful.’   
I rack my brain, trying to think of anything.   
‘Wait, I could copy the beast, no one would think it’s me if they already suspect something else.’ I smile at the Nogitsune’s   
dislike of the idea. I know he wants more, but my self preservation is stronger for now. 

I pull out the leather gloves I had in my coat pocket, they used to be dads, mom got them for Christmas when I was little, he gave them to me after she bit the dust. They were thick and not at all practical, but they’d do.

I bring up the mental picture I took of the previous victims, it wouldn’t be too hard.   
I turn back to the body and kneel next to it, looking back at his face, it was barely recognisable, puffed up and bruised, blood staining every inch of open skin. I grab one of his arms and pull it as hard as I can; hearing the pop of his joints disconnecting, the crunch of bone and muscle separating, I need to pull once more, but the limb finally separates, I overestimate the force and fall back with it, blood and gore splattering onto me. 

‘Gross.’ I whisper, grimacing.   
I do the same with two of his legs, one separating midway up the thigh and the other just over the calf, it had to look animalistic, I tear my fingers through the stumps, turning it into a mauled mess.  
I force my fingers into his skin, as deep as I could, then rake them through his chest and stomach, blood oozing out of the wounds. 

As I pull my hand away, for the smallest moment it looked as if they were clawed, I blink and shake my head, turning back to see they were normal.   
I move back to the face, I scrape over the most obvious marks from the punches, although it didn’t quite look human, around the worst parts you could see a dent in his skull. I feel his skin gather under my nails, but I push deeper. 

I pull back, standing up and looking across the body, it looked about right, I walk around the area, tearing boxes and denting beast-size holes in the walls. After a few minutes I survey the scene, grinning at my work. Not too bad for a first time. 

I’m pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of footsteps nearby, I pull my black coat over everything I can, it didn’t cover all of the blood but it was better than nothing, I peak out of the entrance, to see a woman walking away from me, I sprint out and back to my jeep, getting in hastily, I check around the area but there aren’t any cameras, it’s a quiet neighbourhood.

I drive away, as if nothing had happened, but my mind was racing. I went through everything they could check for evidence, I wouldn’t have left fingerprints, I didn’t drop anything; It looks like an animal attack, they shouldn’t even check those things right?   
I sigh and push those thoughts into the back of my mind. 

I pull over a few miles away from the town and climb into the back seat, finding a change of clothes, I almost laugh as I notice I’m still in my pyjamas.   
I pull them off and get into my normal clothes. Dried blood still stuck to my arms and no doubt my face. I look into the rear view mirror to see that it almost looked as if my head was submerged in the substance. 

I keep on driving, until I pull into a small store, seeing they have bathrooms on the side, I throw my coat back on and bring up the hood, I walk across the parking lot, there’s only a few parked cars, none of the owners seem to be outside.   
I get into on of the rooms and lock the door quickly, I glance at my surroundings, thankful that the dirty old room has a mirror. I start to run the cold water, scrubbing at my arms and hands frantically. 

It was surprisingly difficult to get off, but after a while my arms and most of my hands were clean, I spent way too long trying to scrape out the blood from under and around nails, but eventually it came loose.   
I sigh deeply, I’m already exhausted but my face was still coated. 

I wad up some toilet paper and soak it, rubbing hard at my neck and head, it was easier. After nearly half a roll and a bin full of red, I was finally clean, although I didn’t feel it, it still felt as if I was drowning in the other man’s blood, I could still smell it, metallic and heavy.   
I shake myself out of the thoughts, not wanting to spiral. 

I wipe my damp hands on my jeans and walk back out, I go into the store and buy something to eat, I’m pretty sure you have to buy something if you park anyway. As I walk to the cashier, I can’t help but feel like everyone’s eyes are on me, I look around to see only one other person in the store, and he’s facing another direction.   
I almost want to slap myself. I won’t get caught, I’ll be fine. 

I force a smile at the man in front of me, as he scans everything, answering his friendly question with a few grunts of yes and no, I nod to him as I pick everything up and hurriedly walk out.  
I try to slow my pace, but give up in the end, opening my door I climb in. Throwing the stuff in the seat next to me, stomach rolling with anxiety. 

_‘You’re making me anxious, Stiles, calm down, they wouldn’t even suspect you, trust me, I’d know. You did a good job._

I felt a burst of pride, as if I’d just gotten a pat on the back from my parents, I started to calm down somehow, his words comforting me, it’s true that he’d have nothing to gain if I was locked up. Pressing the back of me head onto the seat I calm my tingling nerves. I open them again, I pull out of the store, I couldn’t stay so close to the scene, I decide to drive closer to my house, in case Scott said anything, it would have to be realistic. 

I park just far enough away not to be noticed, and settle down, hoping nobody would notice me.   
I crane my head to see movement in the driveway, seeing dad talk frantically into his walkie-talkie and getting into his car, I smile shakily, looks like they’ve found it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s a bit slow, but I hope you like it, thanks to anybody who’s left me feedback, it means a lot that you take the time out of your day to leave it, and add to it if you would like. Enjoy!


	19. The beginning of the end

It’s been weeks, but I finally have my chance.   
Just like I’d expected, Scott and my father thought nothing of the body, they just assumed it was the beast. I chuckle at my anxiety, they were so dim they didn’t even do a finger print sweep. 

But now, i knew where the beast would be and so did the pack. I’ve done my research and I have a few tricks up my sleeve.   
It’s been excruciating, acting as if everything was fine, being friends with them but everybody knowing I wasn’t _one_ of them, they didn’t even know how right they are. 

Unlike the first time, not even Liam disagreed, they all believed I was the hopeless human that would only drag them down. Yet mason was allowed in with open arms.  
I clench my teeth and stop thinking. This wasn’t necessary tonight.   
Tonight I would make them pay.

I look down to my watch, it’s time.  
I pull onto the road, I’m not in my jeep, it’s way too noticeable. Besides, the previous owner of this one definitely doesn’t need it anymore.  
I drive to Scott’s house, watching as they all pile into Melissa’s old people carrier.   
As the engine starts, I get into gear, butterflies of excitement filling my stomach. 

Just as I’m about to move, I hear the sound of a gun next to my head, a shaky hand on the trigger.   
‘Get out of that car, son. And come with me.’ The voice of my father echoed through my skull.   
I start to laugh, a high pitched, manic sound. I hear his breathe shake as he watches me.   
I glance at him from the corner of my eye, putting my hands in the air. ‘About time you showed your face.’ I say. My tone going humourless. 

He pull open the door and I step out, not bothering to put up a fight. We walk in silence until we reach my old home. Even after such a short time it seems so foreign. 

I raise my eyebrows at him as he opens the door, gun still trained on me.  
‘Are you going to put that away, I don’t really like guns.’ I sneer. Watching him squirm at my change in personality.  
‘What’s wrong, is this not the Stiles you pushed out of your home? The one you rejected without giving them a moment to even say goodbye?’ I question, my voice getting heavier with each word. 

He looks to be on the verge of tears, ‘Stiles, I’m sorry I didn’t see at the time that you were still you. Maybe, maybe I could have saved you. But now; look at yourself.’ He forces out.  
He’s right, I don’t quite look my best, but why did he expect? I had nothing but cash I’d managed to pickpocket.   
‘You’re right. Speaking of, I’d really appreciate if you’d let me go. I have a few old friends I need to teach a lesson.’ I say as I smile brightly.

The Sheriffs eyes darkened. As if I’d just confirmed his suspicions.  
‘What? They’re the reason I’ve become this way. I didn’t push myself away from them, they did a good enough job on their own.’ I say evenly.   
‘You did it, didn’t you? I checked over both bodies, Theo and the alley man. Neither seemed quite right.’ I’d never seen my dad look so sad yet so angry. I had to suppress a chuckle.

‘Yep, and you know what? Those were the best hours of my life. Theo deserved it, he set me up, it’s all his fault. I made sure he knew that before his life drained away.’ As I speak I move closer to the sheriff. ‘And, maybe, the other guy didn’t need to die, but I was having a bad day and he tried to mug me.’ I purr, now inches away from him. 

‘Wh- what happened to you?’ He pleads. This time I can’t hide the bark of laughter, making him flinch. ‘I got a taste. A taste of the pain and fear, and oh, they’re right, it does make you need more and more until you can’t think straight.’ I ramble as I reach for the gun, he seemed almost hypnotised by my gaze. 

Quickly, I pick the gun out of his hand, making him come to his senses. As he reaches out for it I pull back.   
‘God, if you’re the Sheriff how awful is the deputy?’ I joke, taking in every detail of the tool.   
‘You know, even now, I still don’t like these things, they’re too impersonal, not quite satisfying enough to kill someone with, what do you think?’ I ask, waving the weapon seeping halfheartedly. 

He just stares at me, as if trying to work out what I was. I just smiled.   
I walk closer to him again. Letting my eyes soften. ‘Dad, please just let me leave, you know that none of them would survive the battle anyway, the beast is stronger than all of them; but I can stop it. Yes the pack would die, but no one else would.’ I whisper. Practically next to his ear. Feeling him shudder in disgust under my breathe filling me with pride. 

I look once more into his searching eyes, I watch as they harden, a sense of resolution present, a small whine escapes his throat. I’m confused until I feel a sharp pain in my gut, I look down to see a penknife sticking out of me, vibrant blood spilling through the edges.   
I feel the pain once more as it’s dragged out of me.   
My mouth opens wide a soundless scream exiting my throat as I crumble to the ground, I’m hanging onto my father’s trouser leg like I used to as a toddler. 

‘Da-‘ I force out, choking on my own blood, he bends down next to me, holding my head close to his chest, I can feel his hiccuping, sobbing body behind me, he holds me and whispers words of comfort.  
‘Ssh, calm down, son, it’s going to be okay, yo- you’ll be with your mom now. Hey, hey don’t fight it, Stiles, it’s okay, it’s okay.’   
The words grow fainter, my ears filling with a static fuzz, I look up at the man who raised me, fear the prevailing emotion in my eyes, ‘please, ple- I don wanna die, I’m scar- ed’ I choke out. 

Another sob racks through my father’s body as he strokes my hair, having to force himself not to try and halt the blood from the wound. My whole body was going numb, I could barely move my hands.   
One of my last thoughts, was of anger, how dare he look upset, he’s the one that did this to me? Hurt and rage built in my heart, strengthening me. I smile up at him, at peace. He forces a watery smile back at me. ‘I’m sorry.’ I whisper, he looks confused. 

I reach over to the discarded knife, before either of us can process it I lift it to his throat and rake it across, so hard that I can feel the blade scrape his spine. I watch him, both of us terrified, until blood sprays out of the wound, coating us both. The roles reverse.  
I’m holding his convulsing form, looking away, I didn’t want to see this.  
I hold him close to me until I feel him stop moving, I wait until his body stops twitching, and then some more. Numb. 

I place him down and stand. ‘You weren’t supposed to die.’ I croak, my voice breaking like glass.   
I stumble out of the house. Sprinting to the abandoned car. I get in and start the engine, breaking every speed limit possible.

It was in that moment I realised, this wasn’t some bullshit game. Not anymore. Fuck the pawns, the kings, the knights. All of it was inconsequential.   
All that matters is that they die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where things start to go wrong, going to be honest I know the time skip is kind of a bad way to move on the story but oh well. Leave a comment or kudos if you want, enjoy!


	20. Together

The pain in my side is growing, I can still feel the blood oozing out lazily as I get out of the vehicle, I run as fast as possible to the building I can hear screams from, it looks like the beast is practically doing my job for me.   
As I enter the school building, I realise I might be out of my depth. The metallic smell burned my nostrils, the sounds of growling and screams coming to an end quicker than they started plague my ears. I slow down instantly.

I wasn’t quite expecting what I saw, there were so many dead, it was a shock to my already frazzled system. Malia’s cold, dead eyes stared back at me, the supernatural blue contrasting the red covering the majority of her, matting her hair and sticking her clothing together.   
I remember how we used to be together, accepting each other’s flaws without question. I shake my head.

As I walk, I see an katana, Kira’s, it takes me a moment to see that it’s also connected to her hand, nothing else. I look around to see her body face down nearby, missing multiple limbs, shining hair still prominent. My mouth hangs open slightly. I knew there would be deaths but.. 

I stop in my tracks. Right in front of me is the form of Liam, I realise he’s not quite gone, his body paralysed, his eyes are darting around helplessly, begging for help as he sees me, I kneel next to him, shaking hands trying to find a wound, but it looks like he got thrown onto his back.   
‘No no no no shit.’ I whisper, I didn’t have a problem before but seeing his hopeless frame on the ground, looking small and scared, I realise just how young he is, he didn’t deserve this.

‘There- there’s nothing I can do, Liam.’ I say quickly, running my hand through my hair in frustration.  
I almost don’t notice the movement of his lips. I look closer, a slight sound coming out. ‘What is it?’ I ask frantically. 

‘Kill me.’   
The words hit me like I truck, I didn’t expect it, but I understood. I close my eyes, pushing my pain out of my thoughts, I was going to kill him anyway, I say to myself, like a mantra.  
I reach to his neck, his eyes forgiving, I can faintly see him mouth ‘thank you.’   
I use all the force I can and snap his neck quickly, seeing the fear drain from his eyes.  
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but it’s better now, you’re not hurting anymore.’ I whisper to the limp figure. 

I place the body down and off my knees, looking around, I hear the tell tale scream of a banshee close by, I follow the sound.   
After walking for a small while, I find the source of the noise, the only sound in the whole school. They’re in the large gym. I look in to see Scott and Lydia are fighting as hard as they can, animalistic sounds emanating from their sore throats, sweat dripping from their brows as they try to fend off the huge creature. 

I limp through the big doors and into the gym. I make eye contact with Lydia. ‘Stiles! What the hell are you doing!’ She shouts, I roll my eyes as it draws the attention of the creature to me. It starts to amble towards me and I stand my ground.   
Scott sprints up behind it, trying to slow it down but it brushes him off like he’s nothing but a fly, i would approve but now isn’t the time. 

As it approaches, it cocks it’s head to one side. I smile weakly at it, ‘not sure what you’re looking at? Yeah I get that a lot,’ I chuckle. A groan rippling through me at the movement.   
Scott and Lydia watch me, perplexed. ‘Just so you know, not actually that useless.’ I shout out to Scott. 

Finally, the beast decides to attack, as it runs towards me, Scott and Lydia shout after it.  
It leaps at me, and honestly, I’m slightly terrified. I put out my hands and hold the thing back, it’s surprisingly strong and the hole in my abdomen didn’t help. I groan as I push it backwards, it snarls and snaps at me, inches away from my face, I felt it’s saliva hitting my face and I cringe back.

While I’m distracted, it’s claw stabs through my leg, I groan in pain and anger. ‘Fuck!’ I shout.   
‘Stiles! I don’t know how you’re doing this but just let go and run, you’re not in good shape!’ Lydia call out to me.  
I laugh slightly.   
‘No, I’m good, if I leave you two die at the beast’s hands, or claws, whatever. And that’s not how I want this to go.’ 

With a groan, I flip the animal around onto its back, holding down its upper legs and pushing the lower ones down with my feet. ‘So, is anyone gonna kill it? I don’t have anymore hands.’ I grunt.   
I look up to see Scott and Lydia exchange a look, I’m confused for a second before it clicked.

I take a deep breathe, ‘please don’t tell me you’re not gonna kill it.’   
‘Well, you, you don’t know this but that’s actually Mason.’   
I open my mouth, feigning shock, ‘you’re joking right?’   
He’s about to speak before I laugh out, ‘you actually think I give a shit at this point?’ 

Seeing their complete confusion made it nearly worth it.   
I wrench back the arms of the creature, pulling them clean off, ‘I’m getting pretty good at that.’ I muse.   
The hulking body of the beast started to recede, seeing the frame of the small kid, my replacement. 

I roll my eyes as he starts to scream, becoming lucid, ‘shut up,’ I groan loudly, as I stand in his head, crushing his skull underneath my heel.   
‘Stiles, what the- what the fuck is going on?’ Scott stammers out. 

‘You’re not him.’   
Lydia whispers out, I spin around to face her, scrunching my eyebrows together.  
‘No, no for once you’re wrong, Lyds.’ I smile.   
‘Well,’ I think, ‘half and half.’ I say cheerily.   
After a moment, I let my shoulders drop and smile fall. I rub my face heavily  
‘Listen, guys, this was going to be fun, I was going to kill all of you, but you all had to die too quickly,’ I laugh. 

‘But things just had to go wrong, didn’t they. Dad had to try and stop me, he had tried to fucking kill me; and I had to kill him. So overall my day has been a bit shit, so if you would could you just let me kill you.’ I rant tiredly.

I watch them, annoyed, as they process my words. ‘They- they’re all.. dead? The whole pack?’ Scott asks, disbelief in his voice, ‘yep, Malia’s a bloody mess, Kira’s hand is a few metres from her body, and Liam, well, he wasn’t quite dead when I got here, but he was paralysed and asked me to so,’ I trail off, shrugging slightly. 

At my statement, Scott is shaking heavily, moments away from tears.  
‘Your dad kicked you out because of this, didn’t he?’ Lydia asks softly.  
I look down, ‘yes, he did, my fault really, I was still mostly myself and I needed someone to tell, huh, didn’t go too well.’ I say, rubbing the back of my neck. 

I clap my hands, ‘anyway, let’s get this started then. I’m bored of chit chat,’ I say, chipper, but in reality only because I don’t think I can stay standing much longer.   
Scott lunges at me with pure rage, I don’t really blame him, i grab him by the throat before he reaches me and launches him across the room, temporarily getting him out of the way.

Lydia starts to back away, understanding that she’s next. ‘Please, you don’t need to kill me, I never hurt you,’ I stop in front of her, ‘maybe, but I can’t exactly leave you alive can I? You’d get me caught.’ I sneer.  
She laughs. ‘I’m a banshee, Stiles, and I know you’re not going to survive to leave this building.’

I say nothing, and push her hard against the wall, leaving a dent in the wall and her eyes dazed. Barely containing my anger, I say ‘this, all of this, was supposed to be my moment of glory, I was supposed to get here and kill the beast, then destroy you one by one, but instead I got this shit.’ Pushing her hard again, I start to shout, ‘how is that fair, huh? You, all of you, get things handed to you on a silver plater, I work my ass off and still it all goes wrong!’ I breathe heavily, trying to regain control. 

‘You feel bad.’ She croaks out. In that moment I see red. ‘Don’t you dare tell me what I think.’ I growl, too calm, as I crush her head in my hand, hearing her screams turn to gurgles, then nothing.  
I turn around, stepping over the limp body, leg protesting. I head over to Scott, who’s just about getting to his feet. 

But, it seems that Scott has grown a brain, as I come close enough, he slashed his claws through my chest, I scream, pain tearing across me like nettles and wasps.  
‘You fucker.’ I breathe out.   
As I start to fall, I reach across to Scott, he already had shallow scores across his heart, I dug into them deep, causing him to fall with me, I pull my hand away, breathing as hard as I can, the same as Scott. 

‘W-why, Stiles? What did I do?’ Scott whispers hoarsely.  
I stop for a moment. ‘You gave up on me.’ I say simply. Scott is silent, there’s no denying it so he doesn’t try.   
We lean against each other, bodies battered and broken, falling apart at the seams. 

Too tired to keep it up, my head falls onto Scott’s shoulder, I’m starting to find it near impossible to keep my eyes open. ‘I’m sorry.’ I wheeze out, panic and anger fading away, as the lethargy of my life coming to an end takes the lead. After a few moments, Scott pushes out a response with the last of his breathe. ‘I forgive you, brother.’ As he says the last syllables, I could feel his body come to a still, finally, I had finished.

I smile, a last, genuine, smile, ‘I forgive you too, Scotty.’ I whisper mainly to myself, I allow myself to let go, feeling my injuries take over I feel the life draining away, but I’m not afraid.   
I die next to the boy I grew up with, the boy I watched turn into a man, my best friend, my brother. 

My eyes open wide. I sit up quickly and run my hands over where my blood should be, but there’s nothing, only smooth skin, I look around to see endless fields of green, I hear laughter in the air, I stand up, following the sound, I see a bench filled with people, I see my dad laughing with Scott about something, and-  
‘Stiles! You finally made it, come, sit down. I made us a picnic!’ My moms voice calls out to me, I grin, running over. 

Free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end! I know it’s probably a cliche ending but I still enjoy it. Thank you for everyone who’s stuck around while I wrote this, and thanks to the everyone for ignoring all the errors lmao.   
> I hope you all enjoyed it, and leave a comment if you have any thoughts or feelings, I’ll try to respond.   
> That’s all for this story, goodbye!

**Author's Note:**

> So first chapter is complete! Just a disclaimer: I have no idea what I’m doing so forgive me if this just trails off or I end up breaking the bloody website. Hope you enjoy!


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